Thursday, July 9, 2015

Random Bitching

I know that yesterday I said I would write a post about being on a conference call with a raging hangover.

But it turns out that being on a conference call with a hangover is absolutely no different from being on a conference call at any other time. Conference calls are insufferable wastes of precious minutes, and you literally cannot make them worse by feeling dehydrated and sick to your stomach.There's a chance that you could slightly enhance the experience by being actually deceased during the call. It's hard to field-verify that, though.

I really hate conference calls.

Also, I have a damn cold sore at the corner of my mouth. I have mouth-herpes, people. Herpes. Which is depressing, because my mouth hasn't been having sex any more than any of my other body parts lately.

I know it's not that kind of herpes. Just like I know that when I had head-herpes (aka shingles) it wasn't because my cranium was having unprotected freaky-time without my knowledge. I'm just being funny, and thanks for making me feel I have to point that out. Come over here and I'll give you big sloppy kiss full of cold sore goodness.

And while I'm just randomly bitching about of my male co-workers has the worst mustache ever. I'm serious. Of all mustaches throughout history, this one is...well, it's pretty awful. He was away from the office for a few weeks, and when he came back, he had applied two caterpillars to his upper lip. Two long, skinny, hairy, brown caterpillars. And if you're squirming over that description, you're not alone. I can't even look at him.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some facial hair on a man. Mustaches, beards, sideburns, yep. But not all facial hair is created equal.

Protip: It should never look as if it potentially contains
two or more food groups.

Obviously grooming is important, as are style, proportion, and lack of prickliness, if parts of me will be coming in contact with parts of it.

Also important is an overall lack of ridiculousness and douchiness. Which is where my co-worker's mustache fails, alas. Every mustache in Anchorman stays classier than this thing. And is more realistic-looking, to boot.


I'm actually pretty happy today. If a cold sore is the greatest of my problems, then I'm doing OK.

I hope you're all doing OK, too.


  1. Your hellday makes for some good comedy, so ... time well spent!!

  2. Your hellday makes for some good comedy, so ... time well spent!!

  3. How about a Saddam Hussein moustache? How do you feel about that?

    It could camouflage a cold sore fairly well.


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