Friday, June 26, 2015

I'm Not Gay, But I Feel That Way Today

If you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you've probably noted that I'm pretty elated about today's Supreme Court decision on gay marriage.

But you may not know why.

I have no skin in this fight. I'm not gay, and at this point in my life, with divorce looming after 25 years of marriage, I'm not a fan of that particular institution.

Other than being able to share in the joy of friends and loved ones who are directly affected by today's ruling - which is pretty great - the fact that gay couples can now legally marry in all 50 states does not impact my life at all.

And so I get to feel pure happiness and satisfaction that a great wrong has been righted. Not because it grants me a right I previously was denied, not because I have a vested interest in the outcome, certainly not because I stand to gain financially or in any way, besides maybe getting invited to a few more weddings in the future. (I prefer open bars, if anyone is making plans)

I have no ulterior motive to love this affirmation of civil rights and to be proud of SCOTUS for protecting them. I just think it's amazing that gays and lesbians are one step closer to being people first and "gay people" second.

I'm happy that America is now a place where consenting adults can get married if they so choose, whether it's for love, money, legal protection, or social standing. All of the brilliant, dumb, and dangerous reasons for two people to sign a marriage license are open to everyone, regardless of how their sexy-parts fit together. Which frankly is nobody's business whether they're married or not.

Ya sick bastards.

To anyone reading this who has "sincere religious objections" to gay people: Today's decision did not ban your right or privilege to be a bigot. If you want to think gay people are morally inferior, if you want to "love the sinner, hate the sin" and pretend that you're not still harboring hatred, go for it. Your religious liberties remain intact.

To anyone who doesn't oppose gay people on religious grounds but is simply a bigot without portfolio: Freedom of speech is still a thing following today's decision. You may continue to say "That's so gay" when you dislike something or use words like "faggot" without fear of government reprisal. No one is going to throw you in jail or kick you out of America. You may get called a few things in return, but that's only because we all have the same rights around here.

To anyone who fears that gay marriage is a slippery slope to allowing threesomes, babies, interspecies couples, and inanimate objects to be married: Please don't breed. If you already have, please don't speak. You're entitled to your opinion, but really that's a pretty stupid opinion.

One last thought: The Republican attorney general of my state, Ken Paxton, believes that county employees shouldn't have to issue marriage licenses to gay couples if they have religious objections. So I have a question for the AG and like-minded public servants in the great conservative state of Texas: If you support the right of employees to refuse to do their jobs if they believe the employers are doing wrong, do you also support labor unions and/or whistleblower laws for the same reason?

Just wondering.

Anyway, congratulations to the Supreme Court for getting this landmark decision right. Congratulations to the men and women whose lives are affected. I'm happy to be a witness to your happiness. You maybe don't want to come to me for marriage adivce, but still...thumbs up.


  1. I loved you a little more at "sexy-parts" lol

  2. I loved you a little more at "sexy-parts" lol

  3. I'm stealing "bigot without portfolio". It's so much more concise than the clunky, "you may not adhere to a specific religious belief but your objection is still based in nothing but a non-empirically based feeling that it must be wrong".

    Also remember than when a guy says "This threatens marriage!" what he really means is "My boyfriend is going to start pressuring me to leave my wife!"

  4. Paxton really made a fool of himself, as all the big counties ignored the statement he issued.

    It's hard for me to believe that Paxton, who is an attorney, obviously, doesn't understand the notion of federalism. The decision was so broad that there is NO way to read a loophole into it. He just starts to look like the Southern governors after Brown v. the Board of Education.


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