Saturday, April 4, 2015

Happy Halloweaster!

I have to go out in a few minutes. I'm driving Precocious Daughter and her boyfriend to a haunted house.

Yes, I know it's the day before Easter.

It's a Spring-themed haunted house, apparently.

What goes into a Spring-themed haunted house? I don't know, but I'm thinking bunnies.

Like, vampire bunnies or zombie bunnies.

Nightmarish, right?
And maybe some of those plants that eat bugs, only scaled up to human-eating size.

Nothing says Spring like flowers.
Or just, like, a shit-ton of pollen getting sprayed on you as you walk through, so that you have a massive sneezing fit. And there are no tissues available.

Disgusting for everyone.
And let's not leave out when you're going along, just minding your own business, and you look up and see a massive mud dauber nest.

It's a type of wasp if you're not familiar, and they will
build their goddamn nests wherever they think
it will terrify you the most.
Maybe throw in Jesus rising from the dead. Nowadays many people treat it as the defining moment of their faith, but I'll bet you that when Mary Magdalene and the disciples first found Jesus' tomb empty, they were freaked the hell out.

Ah shit, I thought you were keeping an eye on Dracula.
Turns out Spring is one big horror show. Huh. Well, I hope they have a good time. I'll probably just go to the bookstore and chill in the coffee shop while they go through the haunted house. Because if PDaughter gets scared, she'll leap into her boyfriend's arms and cling to him and beg him to protect her.

I don't think my heart can handle that kind of scare.

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