Wednesday, July 23, 2014

That's the Spirit! (Loser)

I haven't done this in a while.

Remember when I wrote my own answers to an online quiz called "What Color Is Your Aura?"?


W T actual F?
Go here. Take the quiz. Read my answers. Laugh. Come back here. Sheesh.

So done.
(Aside: Rory. Squeeeeee.)
Moving on. I've done another one! I found a quiz called "What Is Your Spirit Animal?" and it was goofy as shit. So I made up my own answers. It's like...I don't know, comedy.

Back me up here, people.

Little help?
Here's the drill. Take the quiz. Get your answer. Come back here for the interpretation.

Do it.

I'll wait.

Now for the answers.

If your spirit animal is...

The deer:  You are a beautiful, timid creature that more than likely will end up being gunned down or run over. People often claim they are acting in your best interest, yet you still wind up being a trophy or a piece of meat. You can't help but wonder how different the world would be if evolution had favored you with venomous dew claws.

The buffalo: Something about you makes others want to eradicate you from the Earth, even as they sing your praises. That is seriously fucked up, and there's probably nothing you can do about it. People will hold you in much higher regard when you're dead than they do now. Your friends are probably assholes.

The wolf:  You just want to be left alone, but everyone keeps riding your shit. Whatever they're projecting onto you, man, it's their problem, not yours. If you wanted to, you could take out everybody without even breaking a sweat. But you're just too cool to bother.

The bear: Well, well, well, what have we here? You are FREAKY, my friend. Badass as hell, yet irrestistible and charismatic. Big and strong, but strangely cuddly. Everybody wants you, but you would just as soon kill 99% of the world to protect the ones you love. And you can't stand mousy little blonde girls who think they can occupy your bed and eat your porridge.

The salmon: OK, so you're a goddamn fish. And you're best known for the ridiculous lengths you go to in order to get laid. Reassess your life, please. All the other spirit animals are laughing at how lame you are. And they're tired of hearing about your stupid Omega-3s. Get over yourself.

The elk: Nobody gets you. Are you some kind of deer? Can you be hunted? You have virtually no identity of your own; you're just another animal wandering around. Sure, your appearance is impressive. That's awesome if you want to be a reality show contestant. What else have you got?

The crow: Extremely intelligent, but also a mercenary and a scavenger. Try pro wrestling or action movies. Because if you don't end up completely awesome, you're going to end up a total loser.

The eagle: Respect, man. Don't kill me. You're going to find that it's awfully lonely at the top, but hell: You're at the fucking top. So yeah.

Share your results, Drunkards! I want to know!

P.S. I was the wolf, so don't ride my shit. Just sayin.


  1. A deer? Hmmm, funny, because for the past few weeks I've been getting a little of the "I'm only watching out for your best interest" vibe from a lot of people around me. Guess I need to be a little more observant on my own.

    Note to self: Hide The Hubster's bow.

  2. Buffalo - but that's not a buffalo. That's a bison. Both buffalo and bison should sue you for misrepresentation.


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