Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Talk About These 21 Things IMMEDIATELY

It's been pointed out to me by a few people that my previous post, "21 Things You Should Shut the F**k Up About," contains a flaw. Namely, if you adhere to all 21 items on the list, the Internet pretty much ceases to exist.

It stopped being cool once everyone went there, anyway.

I had no idea I had that kind of power. I am so money.

Anyway, it wasn't my intention to reduce cyberspace to a black hole of elderly people leaving charmingly embarrassing comments on their grandkids' Facebook walls and uncaptioned cat pictures.   And, not incidentally, to restrict my own bloggy musings to meditations on monkey art and Benedict Cumberbatch.

Not that this would not necessarily
be a bad thing.

So I'm swinging the opposite way. Wheeeeee! Here are 21 totally approved and potentially mandatory topics to be discussed on the Interwebz platform of your choosing. Spread the word, people. This shit's important.

21 Things The Internet Smiles Upon You for Discussing

1. Ricky Gervais' Muppet selfie.

Constantine for the win.

2. The southwestern vegan low-carb pizza casserole recipe you made for the first time last night and it turned out great.

3. Access to fresh water is important.

4. Modern dentistry sure is more sophisticated than it was in previous generations.

If I pull your tooth, does that make us married?

5. A co-worker's passing similarity to a well-known person.

6. Combining butter and shortening results in a better balance of flavor and texture in some baked goods.

7. War is hell.

8. Tropical-weight wool makes a comfortable and durable summer suit.

9. Coconuts: The versatile fruit.

Bowling. Pies.

10. Highlighter colors, ranked best to worst.

11. Why doesn't vodka come in boxes like wine?

12. I like plaid (with or without irony).

13. Feet.

14. People got all upset when Barbie said "Math is hard." But some math really is pretty difficult.

Calculus causes early-onset lady-baldness.

15. Antarctica's tragic lack of snakes.

16. We treat corn as both a grain and a vegetable. But really it's a seed.

17. The first time you ever saw someone else's buttocks.

18. Who remembers those metal ice cube trays with the lever in the middle?

19. Grammatical inconsistencies in Internet lists: the Devil's syntax.

20. Pretty peacock feathers.


21. When cuffs and collars don't match.

There. I've fixed everything.


  1. I want to talk about all of these things, but I'm afraid the comment would be thirty pages. So instead I'm going to talk about Benedict Cumberbatch and monkey art. Or rather my desire to create monkey art with Benedict Cumberbatch in it. If I were an artist I would right now be working on a picture or sculpture of Benedict Cumberbatch surrounded by monkeys. Taking a selfie with monkeys. If someone hasn't already made that picture they should. The world will be a much better place for it.

    And I like paisley.

  2. Yellow, green, blue, orange, pink.


    I have peacock feathers in my living room like a 90 year old woman. I should take a picture and put them on the internet.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.