Sunday, April 20, 2014

So Chuck and Yet So Far

I saw Chuck Norris yesterday.

He came to Precocious Daughter's karate tournament. I mean, he came to see his own daughter, who is an 11-year-old black belt, if you can dig that. But he was there watching his kid, just as I was there watching my kid. So we were united in purpose.

And we were breathing the same air and listening to the same music blaring over the P.A. For all intents and purposes we were one.

Except that I spent the day sitting in cramped, uncomfortable bleachers, and Chuck stood on the competition floor, looking exactly like this:

For hours and hours as the competition went on, Chuck watched over the proceedings like the badass he is.

Any kid who approached him for a picture after winning a trophy, Chuck obliged.

PDaughter, unfortunately, didn't place in any of her events. She did a great job, but the competition was really fierce. Everyone put up their best performance because Master Norris was there.

Also, parents weren't allowed to get anywhere near him. So I didn't get to actually meet him. (Did I yell "Hi, Chuck!"? You bet your bippy I did.)

So I've had to create this artist's rendering of what a picture of Chuck and me would have looked like. It's for Chuck's benefit, really. I feel bad that he missed out.

Such a perfect likeness.
Chuck, if you're reading this...I drove all the way to Bryan, Texas for you. I left civilization and drove past approximately 168,000 cows to be with you. And to watch PDaughter compete, of course. But this was your chance. For me, it was totally worth it to watch you in action.

Shown here: Action.
I'm sorry we didn't have a chance to get to know one another. You would have loved me. Ah, well. There will be other tournaments. We may yet have our moment. Chuck Norris and the crazy lady who yells "Hi, Chuck!" every time you show up. Until we meet again...take solace in your wealth, fame, reputation, social standing, and hot wife.

Be strong.


  1. He missed out on a great chance. His loss, lady. His. Loss.

    Which of course means next tourney PD needs to break some faces and get a picture with him ;)

    (Good job on competing, PD!)

  2. Hey Chuck
    You dumb cluck
    You missed your
    Chance to muck
    With the best
    Non 19th century poet
    Bad luck
    Oh Chuck.

  3. If you hadn't yelled out "Hi, Chuck!" I would never read this blog again.

    And how does it feel to come so close to greatness? The closest I've been is when I walked by George Duran at a dog agility match. I'm not really sure that counts. For one thing I didn't speak to him, because I couldn't remember his name and I'm sure he gets tired of people saying, "Hey, you're that guy who's in the steamed tomato commercials." For another Duran only sells steamed tomatoes. Chuck Norris can steam tomatoes just by staring at them.

  4. Okay...that's pretty awesome! Maybe next time...and the picture of you? You're gonna have to show more cleavage and maybe put an ice cream cone between your he'd notice you then.


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