Monday, April 28, 2014

Edie Brickell Really Has an Unfair Height Advantage in a Fight

I'm torn.

Possibly the greatest celebrity news story of the year came out today. Paul Simon and Edie Brickell were arrested on disorderly conduct charges following a "domestic incident" at their swanky Connecticut home.

How awesome is that?

So naturally, I wrote it up as a parody of Paul's classic hit "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard."

But try as I might, I couldn't record it properly. Because I have to catch a plane in the morning and because Precocious Daughter was here so I only had the length of time she was in the shower to do it and because I'm pretty inept at operating the mixing software and blah blah blah.

So I didn't get to record the track.

Maybe tomorrow night when I'm all by myself in a hotel room in Boston I'll take another crack at it. Because really, it's much funnier when I sing it, because my voice is inherently funny.

But I don't want to wait to post my parody lyrics, because things like this have a shelf life. It may be too late already.

Here goes nothing. And then I owe someone a post about hagfish.

The Ballad of Paul Simon and Edie Brickell
(sung to the tune of "Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard" - music below if you want to sing along)
by Chuck Baudelaire

Well, Edie Brickell has a story to tell
And Paul Simon is complainin'
About the time they were tested and both got arrested
For disturbing the peace in New Canaan.

The neighbors heard it all,
What Edie said to Paul.
Her mama was appalled,
And the police were called.

There was a fuss, Edie tried to discuss,
But Paul didn't want to hear it.
He couldn't take any more, but when he went for the door
Edie wouldn't let him anywhere near it.

The cops were on their way
When someone started shoving
They were on their way
Disorderly conduct was the charge that day
You'd never know 'em,
The way they were goin'...
New Bohemians singer and Garfunkel's co-star
New Bohemians singer and Garfunkel's co-star.

Long story short, they wound up in court
TMZ let the story leak.
They got a slap on the wrist and the case was dismissed
If they promised not to fight again next week.

Now they're on their way
Paul says he still loves Edie
They're going home
To put it in song on their best guitars
Back to New Canaan
Where they'll be remainin'...
New Bohemians singer and Garfunkel's co-star
New Bohemians singer and Garfunkel's co-star.
New Bohemians singer and Garfunkel's co-star.


  1. Were I a beatnik poet, I'd be snapping for you.

    Safe travels! Bring me back Donnie New Kid please :)

  2. Worth waiting for!

  3. This might be the greatest blog post ever written. HAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

  4. Unfortunately I don't know why he married her I saw her perform at Endicott College in 1990 when I was a freshman in college and all I could smell was vodka coming off of her breath and she literally disappointed me so badly by being so wasted and not able to perform! he needs to get her into a rehab in one of those lockdown ones where she can't just check herself out and she needs to be completely clean no pills no more booze no more treating her husband and children like s***! and this is coming from somebody who worship the ground she walked on until I saw that she's unable to perform ninety-nine percent of the time do to her being an alcoholic!


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