Another Word for "Whore" Is "Professional" [SPONSORED POST]

The traditional difference between an amateur and a professional is that a professional gets paid for her work, and an amateur doesn't. Unless you're an Olympic athlete.

Ryan Lochte, in the spirit of volunteerism.

Therefore, I'm a professional writer, editor, and administrative goddess. On the other hand, I'm an amateur mother. Obviously.

Also, by this definition, I'm an amateur blogger.

BUT NOT ANY MORE.

The good folks at FanDuel.com have kindly offered to place sponsored content right here on little old Always Drunk. That's right - I'm pimping their site. I've turned pro. I'm turning on the red light. I can only imagine the sophisticated metrics that led them to align the target market of "people who like fantasy sports leagues" with a blog written by a "crazy person who drinks too much and rants about stupid shit."

It gets very mathy, I'm sure.

The first entry in what I hope is a long and mutually humiliating relationship between our two websites is a piece about my favorite smirking choke artist, Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. And here's the best part: I got to edit it to my liking. So it's not exactly what they sent me. But it does contain a link to my sponsor, and it would be really cool if you would click it, in order to show that Drunkards support fantasizing about grown men in tight pants.

Or not. But please enjoy this sponsored content, which has been professionally written and professionally blogged.

Aww, yeah.

My edits are marked, so you can see how a pro works.

Tony Romo Continues To Be So Tony Romo

Quarterbacks in the NFL are always being labeled fairly early in their careers. Peyton Manning has the reputation of being a regular season quarterback beautiful god among men, while Tom Brady is the playoff master a total douche. Robert Griffin III is already “injury-prone,” while Andrew Luck is known as being cerebral. Aaron Rodgers makes really terrible commercials, but at least he can act a little, unlike that Koepernick guy, who can't even rise to the dramatic challenge of a McDonald's ad.

However, perhaps no quarterback in the NFL has a worse, yet pretty accurate, label than Tony Romo. Simply put, Romo is known as a choker. That's right, he's a simple necklace made to be worn snugly around the neck. I think. I don't know much about football. When an undrafted quarterback out of Eastern Illinois becomes the starting quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys, it seems more like a fairy tale the premise of a really implausible porno than anything. Romo has certainly beat the odds to be one of the best fantasy football quarterbacks in the NFL, and that has helped him reach three Pro Bowls while holding the starting job, and that smirk on his face, since 2006.

For all the good Romo has done, he continues to earn his label as a choker simply because he seemingly comes up short in every single important game. He is responsible for losing games played by other teams, in entirely different sports. He's awful. Did I mention the smirk? The narrative is that Romo can’t handle the big stage, and he can’t be the long-term solution for America’s Team. Romo’s 1-3 record in the playoffs doesn’t make him look all that legendary, but a lot of that can be put on the fact that management has not provided him with a very solid running attack to balance out the offense he sort of resembles a constipated marmoset and also tends to suck at moments he really shouldn't suck.  It is a bit much to expect a quarterback to lead a team without a lot of help when everybody thinks he's a wanker, but for most of his career, that is what Romo has had to deal with.

It can't be easy on the marmosets, either.

The Cowboys game against the Broncos was the perfect example of Romo’s career, packaged into one game. He was a fantasy football standout, setting a Cowboys record with 506 passing yards, along with four touchdown passes. And if football games were played in Narnia and the opposing line was composed of goat-men and talking badgers, that would be a good thing. There were times when he actually looked better than Peyton Manning, as he helped Dallas stay in the game just kidding, no one looks better than Peyton mmmmmm Peyton. However, late in the fourth quarter, Romo made his one true mistake, which ended up leading to an interception and a field goal for Denver. What an asshat.

Sometimes in the NFL, the narrative is pushed a bit too much. Quarterbacks are always going to be labeled to help sell the story. Romo's label should read "May Cause Dizziness and Also Will Probably Fumble the Snap." With Romo, he continues to give the doubters ammunition, even when he is in the midst of one of his greatest games ever. But he doesn't give a crap, because he's got millions of dollars and his wife is hotter than yours.

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Check it out, you guys. Tell 'em Chuck Baudelaire sent you.