Thursday, September 5, 2013

Why We Must Impeach President Obama RIGHT NOW OMG

You may have heard that conservatives (motto: "'Murica") have their trunks in a bunch over the latest outrageous and shameful act of the President of the United States. Once again they're crying that Barack Obama is unfit to lead, undeserving of office, and Kenya. It all has to do with this picture that appeared over the weekend:
Clearly this is a scene unbecoming of dignity and sanctity of the Oval Office. And for once I have to agree with the detractors, to tell you the truth.
That wallpaper is an impeachable offense if ever I saw one. So tacky.
But even if it weren't, you really need only look at the preponderance of evidence that President Obama must be brought to justice for his crimes against America. He has displayed a pattern of behavior that shows blatant disregard, nay contempt, for the honorable post he lied, cheated, and earned 66 million votes to obtain.
His well-oiled spin machine has done a good job of covering up and suppressing the worst of the President's seditious acts. But if you have finely honed journalistic instincts and a lot of vodka like me, you can find the truth. Especially if you take a page from Fox News' book and make shit up.
So President Obama put his feet on the desk that was bought with taxpayers' money (except that actually it was a gift from Queen Victoria so it didn't cost anything except maybe a little boring dinner conversation with Prince Albert)? Well, I happen to know he did worse than that. He actually built a time machine and went back to 1975 and double-dog-dared Gerald Ford to put his feet up on his desk. 

And gave him the idea to pardon Nixon, while he was at it.

There's more. He gave the secret of the reverse-layup to the Communist Chinese government.

And remember, we call goaltending a foul, not a crime against the state.

He knocked his own dog unconscious with a viciously executed spiral on the White House lawn.

Bo? Bo? Uh...stay. Good dog.

He signed a bill into law that voided all previous bills signed into law unless they were signed into law with the left hand...with his left hand.

It was like Leftception.

He insulted our men in uniform by doing that thing where you stick your hand out to shake but the other guy is saluting. Aaaawwwkward.

And he has the nerve to call himself Commander in Chief?

I can't believe this was never widely reported, but he looked at a woman's butt. Which is totally a high crime and/or misdemeanor.

We don't look at women's butts in America. That's either an amendment
or a Commandment. Either way, Jesus wrote it.
Of course, you know that Obama has single-handedly ruined America's relationship with our good friend Russia and its totally not insane leader Vladimir Putin. First he publicly humiliated Putin by beating him in a fart-off...

...then he punched Putin in the eye and made him cry like a little girl. The monster.

And this.

And people think Obama's foot defiled the desk?
Finally, I have it on good authority that Barack Obama drinks the urine of virgins to maintain his dark powers and smooth skin.

Or maybe it's his smooth powers and dark skin. Either way, virgin urine.
So yeah, let's get this guy out of the White House ASAP. We need to restore the good name of the office of President of the United States to its former glory.

Good night, and Gobless Murica.


  1. I hate politics, but you make me laugh about them! Thanks. I needed the giggle today!


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