Sunday, August 11, 2013

KITFO, Facebook

I'm just getting more and more annoyed at Facebook's sidebar ads. First there was the whole crusthole incident.

Now this.

First of all, the answer to the question is NO. A resounding NO. Any sexual dysfunction I experience is entirely in my head and is the result of my passive personality, limited experience, and Catholic upbringing. Everything in the plumbing section is just fine, thanks for asking.

Second of all, Facebook, your algorithms suck. I don't know why everyone is so worried about how intrusive and granular and personal you are when it comes to extracting information from our profiles. I don't see it. You seem to know that I'm a 45-year-old woman and jack-shit else. "Eh," says your ad-placement monkey, "throw the middle-aged lady some vaginal dryness ads. That'll hold her."

That is so flattering.

I'm pretty sure that my pattern of "likes" and "shares" and "follows" indicate that I enjoy music, lean slightly left in my politics, love my family, think George Takei is awesome, and seethe over bad grammar. Yet I rarely see ads relating to any of those thing. I'm equally sure that I have never used Facebook as a platform to bemoan the arid state of my naughty bits (which, as I've mentioned, is not even a thing). Your ad-placement monkey seems to think it dominates my waking thoughts.

So even if I were looking to Facebook to be a source of information about things I find important or interesting (which would be ludicrous), it would be failing me miserably. Basically, Facebook, you're a source of mild irritation when you decide to arbitrarily change the layout of my newsfeed for the umptieth time, and a free place where I can post nifty pictures of monkeys and booze in exchange for having to view a few head-scratchingly random ads. You have nothing to say to an educated professional woman who doesn't happen to worry about belly fat or vaginal dryness.

You fail at relevance. You fail at predictive marketing. You fail at driving advertising dollars.

Thanks for making me feel better about myself, is what I'm trying to say.

BTW, KITFO stands for knock it the fuck off. It's my new acronym. Don't expect to see it on Facebook any time soon.

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