10 Really Good Reasons I've Been Neglecting My Blog

It's been hard to post here every day lately. And I hate that, because this little insignificant dirtbag blog is like oxygen to me - you know, sweet and positive and oh by the way necessary for life. Yeah, really.

But hopefully not this pretentious or superfluous.

But while oxygen is conveniently supplied by the completely autonomous process of breathing, writing requires a conscious effort of time and effort. And although there is literally nothing I would rather do than write every single day (see: eat, sleep, do the sex), my life right now is a giant elephant that stands between me and my blog. Ever try to move an elephant when it decides it doesn't feel like getting out of the way?



It's like this.

Not only that, but it's a shape-shifting elephant. It's not as if there's just a big old pachyderm all up in my business. I could probably figure out a way around that shit. Pole-vaulting or some such. But the elephant keeps morphing and changing before I can figure out how to deal with it. Which is just rude.

I believe my elephant may be French.

Anyway, here are 10 forms life aka my metaphorical French elephant has taken that have kept me away from the one activity that keeps me sane. As written by an insane person aka me.

1. Work drama. I've been at this job for going on eight months, and for the most part it's been awesome. But there's been some drama recently in the form of a single big lumpy ugly doodyhead from another division of the company who has managed to ruin a number of my days by dint of being a shitsack. There's a definitely a "Shit My Job Says" post to be written about it. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to write it because the drama has drained my mojo. But when I do write it, it's going to be soooooo therapeutic. And mean.

2.  Heartache. I tend to write from my heart rather than my head, which is why sometimes the things I write are heartfelt but stupid. But my heart isn't doing so well these days. It's achy and breaky, which someone should definitely write a 20-year-old song about. Since my heart's day job is continuing to beat and keep me alive, I figure I should let it do its thing.

Lest I be one ex-Baudelaire.

3. Precocious Daughter. Not all of my reasons are angsty. The plain fact is that PDaughter and I are constantly fighting over custody of the computer. Seems to me that buying a second laptop would be a fine investment. It's just not one I can make right now. On the other hand, when she controls the Rhapsody playlist, I get exposed to some way cool music. So it's not all bad, except for the not being able to write part.



4. Alcohol. I always get this idea that a certain amount of vodka enhances my ability to write. And that may be true, except that lately I've routinely exceeded that amount by a factor of a shitload. Instead of generating creative, lucid prose a la Hemingway, I end up posting crazy shit on Facebook and passing out. Hey, at least this one is within my control. I think.

5. Censorship. Apparently my output is being monitored by someone who thinks he has a right to monitor my output. If I were a stronger person, I would use oppression to motivate my art. But I haven't evolved that far yet, so I let it intimidate me into silence more than I should.

Darwin was right. I'm working on it.

6. Vanity. In the I'm Weak and I Suck department, I admit that I look at my blog stats sometimes and get really depressed that no one reads what I fucking write. I love and adore and appreciate every single person who takes time to come here, I really do. I'd take you all out for kolaches if I could. Mmmm, kolaches. But - spoiler alert for absolutely no one - it's hard to soldier on in the face of obscurity. I would still write if nobody ever saw a word of it; but paradoxically, writing for a tiny audience can also be sad and demotivating if you're an insecure dirtbag blogger like me.

True fucking dat.

7. PDaughter. Yes, she makes the list twice. Because she keeps sucking me into watching things on Netflix with her. So when I should be writing, instead I'm re-watching every original episode of "Star Trek" or getting hooked on "Sherlock" or re-discovering classic films because it's such a huge kick to watch your child discover them for the first time. And then it's bedtime and I haven't done a blog post again. Of all the reasons on this list, this is one I wouldn't trade away.

8. Fear. When I write, I'm fearless. But some days the fear gets in and blocks me before I can banish it with words. I fear a lot of things right now, so fear wins more than it should.

9. Texas Republicans. As a wannabe professional writer, I should be able to put aside my personal feelings and express myself on subjects I feel passionately about. There have been a dozen great topics for posts in recent events involving the Texas Legislature's actions on abortion, healthcare, school funding, corporate welfare, and a host of other topics. But those goddamn mindless soulless evil right-wing nutjob Republican bastards in Austin make me so fucking angry. Their bilious rantings and idiotic policies clog my brain. I shouldn't let them silence me, because when they shut down the opposition, they win twice. But I don't think a post consisting of nothing but all-caps curse words would be particularly instructive or entertaining. (If you think otherwise, let me know, because I'm certainly game to try)

10. Sleep. It's easier to be unconscious sometimes, you know?

At least I managed to write a post about not posting. That's something. And remember, I'm not above begging for scraps. If you want me to write about something, let me know. I'll give you credit for the idea. Not that anyone will read it. But you and I will. And Frenchy the Elephant. It's a start.