Tuesday, February 12, 2013

A Dignified Tribute to the 16th President

Wait, what did that title say?

(reads title)

Um, OK. Sure. Well, today is Abraham Lincoln's birthday, so I wrote him a song. A...dignified...song. Right.

And it's sung to the tune of "Babe" by Styx. I mean, it doesn't get much more respectful and reverent than that. Styx is awesome.

Hey, Styx is freaking timeless.
With all due respect, sir.


So enjoy. And Happy Birthday, Mr. President.


Abe, I’m writing
A special song for you
Because your birthday’s here
Blow out the candles
There’s one for each of your
Two hundred and four years.

The nation’s lonely without you
You left the White House much too soon
I wonder what our history would have been
If John Wilkes Booth’d missed you.

‘Cause you know it’s you, Abe,
Who brought us back together from the Civil War
You were six foot four
You know it’s you, Abe,
Putting up with Mary Todd, your crazy wife
All your life
So I say
Abe, it’s your day.

(Harpsichord and mouth-harp solo)

Abe, I’m singing
The Happy Birthday song
There’s cake and ice cream, too.
I’m really sorry
Your son named Willie died
In 1862.

They made a movie about you
It should win an Oscar, maybe two
But still I wonder what history might have been
If John Wilkes Booth’d missed you.

Happy Birthday.
How was the play?
Happy Birthday, Abe.

Here's the original, if you're jonesing (or Lincolning) for it now:

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