Saturday, November 3, 2012

Big Fat Old Circle of Life

In my very first ever blog post, I told a moderately amusing story about how my jeans split when I was getting into my car, while I was carrying the new pair of jeans that - through sheer fortuity - I had just purchased. Yeah, it sounds pretty stupid when I say it like that, but if you read the post, it's only mediocre.

I am totally going to let you imagine that I looked like this.
 This morning, the jeans I bought that day - the ones that saved the world from seeing my hoo-ha and thus deserve the Nobel Prize for Jeans - met the same fate. I was sitting at the breakfast table, and when I reached down to scratch my leg, I felt flesh instead of denim.

Yes yes I was scratching my inner thigh in the privacy of my own kitchen shut up.

Again, I invite you to believe this is my thigh.
My beloved Levi's capri-length jeans, which had served me so well for three years, accommodating the imperceptible weight gain I've experienced in that time (ahem), going with everything in my closet, getting softer and more comfy with each washing, split open in exactly the same place as their predecessors. A very mean person would surmise aloud that this had something to do with the fact that the thighs of my jeans tend to rub together, due perhaps to a genetic disposition of mine to store fat in that area.

I don't think mean people like that read this blog. But if they do: Get stuffed, asshole.

Love youuuuuuu.
It was all very ironic. I think. I'll have to ask Alanis Morrissette.

So today I bought a new pair of jeans. They're not exactly the same as the old ones - you know, when you buy a new car you don't get the same model, when you get a new dog you realize your previous dog was a unreproducible freak of nature - and they're definitely not as buttery-soft as the old ones. That will come with time. And friction. Lots of friction.

Also, it's possible they're a size bigger than the ones I bought three years ago. Maybe I just like baggy jeans. Yep. As far as you know, that's it.

When these split, I'll let you know. It's good to know that I already have a post topic for some day three years from now.

P.S. I also bought some other clothes today. I'm not saying there's a reason I might need new clothes, but I will say I may not be able to sit around all day in my jammies for much longer. Wink-wink.

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