You Should Thank Me for Not Posting

I didn't post here yesterday.


You probably didn't even realize there was a huge void
in your life yesterday. Well, there was.

 Officially, I just ran out of time.


Unofficially, I was massively depressed that Matthew Inman
was able to raise more than $100K in less than a day
just by asking. God bless and curse The Oatmeal.

 Also unofficially, I had a case of writer's block yesterday and couldn't get inspired. I tried. Some days the creative muscle just doesn't flex.


Guys, I get it:
Sometimes the switch doesn't twitch.

 Anyway, I had a couple of drinks, which didn't help at all. I don't know how Hemingway was able to write that way. I mean, except that he was a genius. I just don't have that going for me, and vodka, it turns out, doesn't get it going. And here I thought there was nothing vodka couldn't do.



I have no idea why you'd want to contaminate it with tomato juice,
but otherwise I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment.

 Now, I did get as far as writing a proposed title for the post I couldn't write. And this morning I checked my drafts and remembered that I had gotten that far.

The title was: "Today's Post Is All About Penises."


I tried to write more, but it was too hard.
See what I did there?

 That's all I wrote. If I recall correctly, in the race between drinking more vodka and expanding on that theme (see what I...oh, never mind), I decided that more vodka won. And there ended up being no post yesterday.

What I'm saying is, you're welcome.

And go read The Oatmeal, because let's face it, you probably already do, and if you don't, you should.