Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Dog Still Owes Me a Candy Bar

If you recall, a couple of weeks ago Beloved Spouse bought me a delicious Snickers Peanut Butter Squares candy bar. At least, half of it was delicious. Darling Dog ate the the other half while I was dealing with an iPod-related crisis.

Love of Apple is the root of all evil.
 I demanded restitution. But I have yet to see a replacement Snickers Peanut Butter Squares before me.
DDog, if you're reading, it looks like this. Also, get the hell off the computer.
And now we've had Halloween, and thanks to a successful trick-or-treat outing by Precocious Daughter, the house contains just about every type of candy known to man. PDaughter even had a peanut butter kiss in her bag, and you hardly ever see those any more. You know peanut butter kisses. Those orange- or black-wrapped candies that kind of look like salt water taffy but they actually taste sort of like peanut butter and there's always a dark spot on the wrapper where a tiny bit of gooey peanut butter has soaked through?

 I think people either love peanut butter kisses or hate them. Me, I love 'em, and since they're one of the many candies PDaughter had to cull from her loot for being braces-unfriendly, I got to have hers. Score!

The point is, between our handing-out leftovers and what PDaughter brought home, we have about a billion different kinds of candy at our disposal right now. But not a single goddam Snickers Peanut Butter Squares square. I mean, they're SQUARE! How hard can it be to individually wrap them and sell them by the bag? I love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups as much as the next guy (actually, I love them more than just about anybody), but I have a Snickers Peanut Butter Squares deficit in my life, and neither my dog nor the Great Pumpkin has come through to rectify the situation.

Although I guess it could be worse.
Other than the peanut butter kiss and an Almond Joy (yum), I haven't really participated in the sugar binge that BelSpouse and PDaughter are currently indulging in. In which are currently indulging...really gotta work on those prepositional phrases. I'm sort of off my feed this week - with the new roof going up and Bestest Friend about to visit and other things, I'm not eating much of anything, let alone tasty, tasty Halloween candy. I never go for very long without eating, so I'm sure I'll get back to my regular diet of too much of the wrong things soon. But a Snickers Peanut Butter Squares sure would prime the old appetite.

Is that too much to ask, people?

I'm starting to think the dog is not going to do the right thing. And on general principle, I'm not going to buy one myself. I'm the victim here. So someone is going to have bring me a freaking Snickers Peanut Butter Squares candy bar pretty soon. Some of you know where I live. C'mon, throw me a bone! A sweet, peanut-buttery, chocolate-covered square bone...mmmmmm.

I'll trade you, like, 10 pieces of Double Bubble and a couple boxes of Milk Duds if you want. PDaughter can't eat those, either.

Hey, Apple, Inc. Send me a Snickers Peanut Butter Squares and I'll stop trashing your products on my blog!

Except the iMac. I mean, really?
I'm making this offer as attractive as I can. I'll do anything, short of getting off my butt and buying one myself, to get this candy bar.

I'll be waiting.

Waiting right here for someone to bring me a Snickers Peanut Butter Squares.


Stupid dog.


  1. "I'll do anything, short of getting off my butt and buying one myself, to get this candy bar."... so you're offering to help with the laundry this weekend while wifey is out of town?.... I'm tempted.

  2. Would still require getting off my butt. I'm going to call it no, but nice try. :)

  3. Check your mailbox...hopefully that was the right house. :D If not, sorry...your neighbor probably loves us now. ;)


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