Friday, October 7, 2011

There's a Feeling in the Air That You Can't Get Anywhere Except Kiev

I've mentioned before that Ukrainians love my blog.

Ukraine is the one on the right.
Or else someone in Ukraine has super-awful typing skills and keeps landing at Always Drunk by accident. Possibly while drunk, which would be validating my concept in a strange way. The point is, I get a lot of hits from Ukraine.

Not necessarily a bad thing.
Hello, Vitaly Klitschko!
 I still haven't ruled out that the Ukrainian secret police are keeping tabs on me. Or that I have a Ukrainian stalker. Or that somewhere outside of Odessa there's a school full of unfortunate children learning English from the worst possible source. Well, almost.

But since I have a fan base in Ukraine, I'm going to make it my mission to suck up to it. Я люблю Україну! I think that means "I Love Ukraine." Google Translate could be yanking my chain, and maybe I just started a war. Please, oh wise and physically attractive Ukrainians, correct me if I'm mangling your language in an insensitive and possibly obscene way.

I'd like to visit Ukraine one day. The Crimea is part of Ukraine. That's where the famous Yalta conference was held during World War II, and it's where all the Soviet leaders used to take their vacations. Sounds like a happening place. So does Kiev, the capital. Looks like a great place to have a huge parade for a visiting American blogger. I'm just saying.

Mostly, I'd like to know what the hell the fascination is that the Ukrainian people have with this little old scribbler in Texas. Whatever it is, I need to work on a way to infect everyone in the world with it. Let's fill the Internet with love, people! Kuuumbayaaaaa...

Or if you prefer, Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze!
Sorry, I got off track for a minute there. Let's hear it for the Ukrainians, who are officially my favorite Eastern Europeans from a country starting with U. I await the key to your cities and a proclamation from your king. Or, uh, president. (checks Wikipedia) Yes, your fine President Yanukovych. Who probably has a great right hook.

Будь ласка, надсилайте гроші!

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