Friday, October 14, 2011

I Will Hold My Breath Until I Turn Blue If I Can't Have This Car

When Beloved Spouse and Precocious Daughter and I are driving somewhere, we like to play a game called "Fortunately Unfortunately." Basically, one person starts off by saying something like "Unfortunately, a huge meteorite was hurtling toward the Earth." The next person replies with something like "Fortunately, I had a missile full of meteorite-eating snakes ready to launch." And then "Unfortunately, the snakes all exploded very cinematically as soon as they left Earth's atmosphere." And it goes back and forth, trading fortunate and unfortunate situations, which inevitably grow more insane and silly each time. It's one of those fun family games that tells you a lot about the psyches of your family members and makes you hope no one is concealing a butcher knife on their person.

I say all this because I'm playing a big game of "Fortunately Unfortunately" right now with the Volvo C30. Oh my gosh, have you seen this car?

It's soooo much cuter in person. It's darling. It's adorable. It's the only car I've seen that would be a fitting replacement for my darling Bug once it goes to the autofriedhof in the sky.

Which will be a sad, sad day.
I want a Volvo C30. Want, want, want. However:

Unfortunately, we just bought a new car for BelSpouse, and carrying two new car notes is not in the Baudelaire household budget.

Fortunately, I plan on finding a magic lamp soon, and my first wish will be for the exact amount a Volvo C30 costs.

Unfortunately, this darling little car costs in the neighborhood of $30K when it's tricked out. I'm not sure I can ask a genie for thirty grand for a subcompact, no matter how cute it is.

Fortunately, it's a Volvo, so it's probably worth every penny and will last forever, just like all those Volvos still driving around New England with their faded "John Anderson for President" bumper stickers.

No, no, the one with an "h."
 Unfortunately, that longevity is probably why the C30 was featured as Edward's car in Twilight. What else would a pretty vampire drive except an immortal car?

Uh...RPatt, you're getting ennui all over the vehicle.
 Fortunately, I can overlook its association with pretty vampires. It's just that cute.

Unfortunately, I can't really justify getting a new car right now, what with the Bug still chugging along and the insurance being pretty cheap because it's nine years old and still having PDaughter's braces to pay off.

Fortunately, that magic lamp should be coming along any minute now.

Unfortunately, magic lamps maybe don't actually exist. That would be a bummer if true.

Fortunately, my grandpa used to own a magic lamp.
Unfortunately, it was a cigarette lighter and granted
finger burns more than wishes per se.
 Fortunately, I have great patience. I can wait for the right time to possess this wonderful car.

Unfortunately, that's complete bullshit. Hence the title of this post. I may also drop to the floor and start kicking the air.
Fortunately, if each of my readers sends me a dollar, I can buy three of these cars.

Unfortunately, I would need 90,000 readers for that to be true. Or a couple of really generous Ukrainians.

Fortunately, I'm happy with my Bug, and with BelSpouse's new car, and with things the way they are in general. The Volvo C30 can wait until I'm ready for it.

But just in case, I'm going to practice holding my breath. You never know when a skill like that might come in handy.

If these guys can be millionaires, then anything is possible.

1 comment:

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.