Monday, October 31, 2011

Dammit, You're Scaring the Ghosts

It's Halloween! We put up some really cool scary decorations at Chateau Baudelaire, like an entire cemetery in the front yard.

I didn't take any pictures, but it looked a lot like this,
only less adorable and candy-covered.
I mean, we had zombie hands reaching from the cold earth, skeletons hanging from trees, cobwebs everywhere, glowing eyeballs, the works. Spooky stuff. We were ready to traumatize some neighborhood children for sure.

And then the roofers called and said they were coming today. So it all had to come down.

A guy with a hammer and his ass-crack hanging out...
that's kind of scary, right?
 I mean, you can't have old shingles and shit falling and breaking your faux-stone styrofoam headstones into pieces. (Aside: Faux-stone Styrofoam Headstones would make a great band name.) And you can't tell the roofers not to come on Halloween. Texas roofers are way busy people, what with giant hailstones and massive windstorms and the sun beating down on your roof until it cracks like a tortilla chip and all. If they say they're coming on Halloween, you let 'em come, or you might not see them again until the Christmas decorations are up.

Falling debris wreaks havoc on manger scenes.
 So no outside decorations. And no ghosts inside, because no self-respecting spirit is going to haunt a house where it has to compete with the sound of nail guns and workboots on the roof. Ours are definitely staying at the spectral version of Motel 6 this week to escape the commotion. This is shaping up to be a disappointing Halloween.

Maybe Beloved Spouse will have time between the end of today's roofing activity and the start of trick-or-treat to put all the decorations back up. But depending on how chaotic and trashed-out the yard looks, we might not get a bunch of costumed kiddoes venturing up the walk this year. Which means the two very large bags of candy we bought to hand out might end up staying with us. Four pounds of Tootsie Rolls and Milk Duds, stalking me, beckoning to me, unleashing their eerie cries of deliciousness...

That's scary.

I vant to raise your blood sugar.
On the upside, we'll have a nice new roof on the house. It will help keep the attic cooler in summer and warmer in winter. I hope the ghosts are happy. I like ghosts. They're quieter than roofers, and they don't have ass-cracks.

Happy Halloween, everybody! Save me an Almond Joy!

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