Turkey in the Straw Poll

I am highly amused that Texas Governor and Presidential Candidate Ken doll model Rick Perry got his ass handed to him in this weekend's Florida straw poll by Herman Cain.


Maybe people in Florida thought he was Samuel L. Jackson.
I know I'd vote me some Sam.

First of all, unlike the recent series of GOP debates, Gov. Perry actually tried to win in Florida. He handed out glossy fliers, and if that doesn't bespeak commitment and passion, I don't know what does.


That's OK. Neither does he.

I'm also amused because although Herman Cain seems to be an intelligent guy and a competent businessman, I can't think of anyone less qualified to be the Republican nominee. Other than Gov. Perry, of course. 

Sorry, there's a typo in that last paragraph. Let me fix that.

I'm also amused because although Herman Cain seems to be an intelligent guy and an accomplished businessman, thus I can't think of anyone less qualified to be the Republican nominee.

That's better.

So Floridians seemed unmoved by Gov. Perry's mismosh of positions on health care, education, personal freedom, and state sovereignty. Calling himself the candidate of life while shutting down health care facilities that serve poor women and children, for example, doesn't make ideological, or even logical, sense. Nor does bragging about balancing the Texas budget without tax hikes, then begging for federal aid for the firefighters whose funding he gutted during the worst year of wildfires in state history.

His positions come together as a unified platform only when you realize that Gov. Perry's beliefs are fueled by whichever side throws the most money at him. It's not that nearly all candidates from either party aren't guilty of the same. But in Perry's case, since he has repeatedly denied any such influence in that loud and curiously variable Texas drawl of his, all voters are left with is the conclusion that Gov. Perry must actually believe the crazy quilt of ideas he presents is a stable platform.

Florida straw poll voters didn't buy it. They figured they'd go with a guy whose ideas may not be great, but at least stay clumped together pretty consistently on one side of the political fence. Congratulations to Herman Cain for being officially less erratic than Gov. Rick Perry. Sorry to damn you with faint praise, Mr. Cain, but it's a start.

By the way, Gov. Perry just got trounced in another straw poll, this one in Michigan, by Florida third-place finisher Mitt Romney. Look out, Mr. Cain. Your reign at the top of the Republican heap was short. Now you've got your work cut out to best Mr. Romney. My advice to both of you: Be careful not to trip over Rick Perry as you fight. He's the one lying face-down in the straw.