Friday, August 19, 2011

Summer Vacation Reds and Blues

President Obama and his family are vacationing on Martha's Vineyard.


Traitor-in-Chief shown here trying to swim to Cuba, presumably.
Summer vacations are All-American fun. Which makes me a filthy Commie terrorist, because we didn't take one this year. We went on vacation last summer, and I got kicked by a horse. Ripped my shin right the hell open. Bled like a mofo and left a big dark scar. Fun with a capital F. But I digress.

Ungodly killing machine.
Anyway, we all like to get away from the stress and worry of our workaday lives to kick back for a few days. Who could possibly begrudge the President of the United States, whose job (I'm just taking a guess here) is more stressful than yours, the opportunity to go on vacation like millions of other Americans?
Every member of the opposing political party, that's who. It doesn't matter who's in the White House or which party controls Congress - nobody who didn't vote for the current President ever wants him to go on vacation. And every year when the President packs up his sunscreen and his fugly Bermuda shorts, a chorus of "how dare he" and "what an asshole" rises up from those who can't stand to see anybody having fun while they're trying to make him miserable.

You come back here and listen to our unreasonable demands and specious arguments!
And so, as the Obamas embark upon their abandonment of the nation, his detractors are loudly proclaiming that he's taking yet another vacation while America stands on the brink of disaster. The nerve! He should be addressing Congress, or signing bills, or something.

Of course, Congress isn't actually in session right now, so there's no one to address.

Will Smith couldn't find a post-apocalyptic vampire in here.
Still, it's the job of the President of the United States to be on duty 24/7, looking out for the interests of common Americans who can't afford a swanky summer retreat, as well as important things, like tax cuts for the rich. So they can continue to afford their swanky summer retreats.

I worked hard to inherit, marry, and/or embezzle this money.
 In fact, goes the argument that rears its big dumb head every single year, one might say that the number of days a President spends brazenly loafing is a litmus test for his effectiveness in office. Which is why Barack Obama (who has so far taken 61 days of vacation) is three times as good a Chief Executive as George W. Bush (who had taken 180 days of vacation at the same point in his first term). And why Bill Clinton (26 days) was 2.3 times better than Barack Obama and 4.3 times better than that jerkhat Ronald Reagan (112 days at this point). Right?

I, personally, in the 31 months since President Obama was inaugurated, have taken about 20 days of vacation. Which means I am the most qualified person to be President in the last 30 years! And when you consider that I probably actually enjoyed about six of those vacation days, I should be elected freaking Queen of America.

I have not being amused down to a science.
 My point is, I just get can't worked up about when and where and how often the President - any President - takes a vacation. It's not as if President Obama isn't surrounded by Secret Service agents and Joe Biden isn't texting "Do u miss me?" every half hour. And big deal that he's lounging around Martha's Vineyard instead of clearing brush on a ranch. I'm sure if Chicago had any ranches, President Obama would own one, and he'd be busily cleaning graffiti off the horses.

You know what does piss me off? Bestest Friend is vacationing on Cape Cod - she's practically close enough to borrow a cup of sugar from Michelle Obama. How dare she! The nerve! President, schmesident. Being insanely jealous of your loved ones' good fortune: That's an issue all Americans can get behind.

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