Monday, January 25, 2010

I Don't Mean to Be Random, But...

I'm sort of casting about looking for a theme to this blog. I'd like to have some sort of recurring motif, something that ties together all my posts (apart from, you know, me carping about the world and my insignficant place in it). Every time I think of one, I realize that it's already being done. Workplace humor - Dilbert. Topical satire - the Onion. Celebrity gossip - everyone else on the Internet. You see what I mean.

I find myself quite often writing lists, because lists are fun and easy to write. I can cover a lot of ground quickly, and I can spread the word about things I like (or things I dislike, which can be even more fun). But lists are lazy. They're more about collecting cool links than presenting original ideas. They're frankly pretty random. And dammit, David Letterman holds the patent on the whole daily list thing anyway.

So I'm trying to find some actual subject matter that I can write about on a regular basis that's cool and fun and interesting and make it my own. That's my goal for 2010.

But in the meantime, here's another list.

Things I've Noticed by Watching TV in 2010
  • The new baby on the E*Trade commercials is not nearly as cute as the old one. If some ad agency is going to presume that I base my stock trading decisions on the advice of a talking toddler, then they should also realize I'm only going to pay attention to the most adorable one. I see this as a huge opportunity for Merrill Lynch to exploit the important Prospective-Customers-Who-Listen-to-Babies demographic with their own wee pitchman. (Yes, I said wee.)
  • Beer commercials hate men. I know, beer companies have been under fire for years for objectifying women and linking alcohol consumption with sex in their ads. Yet the commercials airing lately seem to indicate that, whatever the beer conglomerates may think about women, they believe in their corporate hearts that men are truly stupid. What guy would honestly choose to save a beer instead of his girlfriend? There are more beers in the fridge. And he won't even have to search for the one who thinks he's cute and funny. Is it in the back? Behind the mustard? No, because it's beer. Beer companies should leave thinking men are stupid to those who do it best: Women.
  • Pee Wee Herman has not aged in 20 years. He's back, you know, live on stage in LA and making TV appearances (e.g., the penultimate Conan-hosted Tonight Show). If you look really, really closely, you can see that there are wrinkles under all that makeup, and the hair color surely comes out of a bottle these days. But for the most part, Pee Wee still looks like exactly the same feisty man-child he's always been. And that's just creepy.
  • The Robot who appears at the commercial breaks on all the Fox football games should be retired, his programming deleted, and the onscreen real estate he's occupied so annoyingly for so long returned to a state of free pixellation. He serves no purpose and I hate him. The last straw was having to watch him do tai chi last weekend. Fox could show us the backside of Terry Bradshaw's bald head 20 times a game and I'd be no more or less entertained.
  • Conan O'Brien should get his own again, just as soon as his settlement with NBC will let him. Playing electric guitar, however, should not be an integral part of it. Loved the all-star version of "Free Bird" at the end of his final Tonight Show. But Will Ferrell plays cowbell better than Conan handles the guitar.
  • I can't believe no one has thought of bringing together Susan Boyle and General Larry Platt for a duet yet. I'd watch it, no matter what show it was on. American Idol. Two and a Half Men. The State of the Union address. Seriously. Guaranteed ratings bonanza.
  • And one more thing. Doesn't sitting in a bathtub until you're all wrinkly and pruny kind of defeat the purpose of taking Cialis? Get out of the tub, dry off, get warm, see what happens. Oh, and put down the beer. What are you, stupid?

1 comment:

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.