It's been a rough week.
|As illustrated by this humorous meme.|
'm not going to sugar-coat it. On Wednesday, I prepared for the third Presidential debate by drinking heavily. More heavily than usual. I'm not sure why. Maybe I thought it would enhance my satirical skills for live-tweeting the proceedings (which it didn't because I ended up too drunk to tweet at all). Maybe I was stressed because Drummer Boy planned to join me that evening, which is a rare midweek treat. Maybe I'm just a mess.
|Me. It goes to me.|
But here's the thing. Wednesday night, while I was drinking and getting ready for the debate and acting like an idiot in front of Drummer Boy, Precocious Daughter was volunteering at a nearby middle school. She volunteers because she earns community service points for National Honor Society, but also because she's just a great kid who loves to help out when she can. The middle school is about a five-minute drive from our home. But I would be making that five-minute drive to pick her up...under the influence. Drunk. Wasted.
Drummer Boy was appalled. But he didn't stop me. Because he was appalled.
You guys, I stepped into a car while well over the legal limit to pick up my only child from a school where she was doing volunteer work.
Feel free to be outraged and disgusted. You are not alone.
PDaughter and I got home safely. I ended up throwing Drummer Boy out of my apartment because...reasons? Apparently I got very bitchy and verbally abusive. Fact is, I don't remember any of it.
But the next morning, I saw he had written me an e-mail at 3 a.m. It was the hardest, saddest thing I've ever had to read. I almost didn't read it at all, although I ended up returning to it several times over the next couple of days.
Drummer Boy showed me tough love, you guys.
He broke my heart and shamed me and made me cry.
I'm not going to spill his private business here. But he has lived through his own substance abuse issues. And the thought that he very easily might not be here but for luck and his own mighty strength...it brought me up really fucking short.
And the thought that he might give up on me, as he strongly hinted he might do after my latest shenanigans, well, that just slapped me in the face.
Drummer Boy and I are still together, you guys. He is the love of my life, my rock, my friend.
And I will never put my child in danger just to feed my blog.
And I will be the role model I need to be for PDaughter, and the person I know I can be to myself.
Do I promise to never touch demon alcohol again?
Well, no. I can't make that promise.
|Just being honest.|
But can I put the two most important people in my life above vodka?
Oh fuck yes.
They are everything to me. Vodka is just a crutch for my weaknesses.
It doesn't even outrank this pissant little blog. You guys - my handful of loyal friends and readers - you mean so much to me. I want to keep writing what I can to give you what pleasure I can.
I want to write that goddamn book I keep talking about.
I want to live happily ever after.
Feel free to tell me I'm an idiot for endangering my life and my relationships. I need to hear it.
I promise to respond with monkeys and politics and whatever.
Thank you, my Drunkards.
I love you all.