|Such a harmless-looking little fella, right?|
I talked to my doctor, and he wrote me a prescription for Sarafem, which is simply fluoxetine aka Prozac with a manufacturer-approved alter ego.. After I changed doctors (because my insurance changed), I dropped the PMDD pretense and just asked for generic Prozac, please. My doc approved, and I've been taking it ever since.
I started out with a 10 mg daily dose, which later increased to 20 mg and now stands at 40 mg.
Because Prozac does not cure crazy but only controls it. And over time it takes a larger dose even to control it.
And it works.
I know this, because I've tried several times to wean myself off it. None of these attempts has ended well.
The latest attempt happened over the past two weeks.
I've been taking my Prozac once every other day. I thought...hey, if I feel OK on this dosage I can probably quit altogether. I can be free of pharmaceutical support. I can be myself without any drugs.
Guess what, you guys? It turns out I need to take Prozac every fucking day.
It turns out I become hopeless and suicidal without it.
It turns out that taking a 40 mg dose every other day does not shield me from depression or suicidal thoughts.
On the one hand, yay Prozac.
On the other hand, I'm completely dependent on pharmaceutical intervention to keep me from slashing my wrists with a cheap pair of scissors.
Not so yay.
Without a reliable 40 mg of Prozac in my system, I can't cope. I can't stop crying. I can't push aside the negative thoughts that my loved ones would be better off without me.
So I'm done with that nonsense.
I'll be making an appointment with my doctor to renew my Prozac prescription.
Because I'm hooked.
Part of me thinks that sucks.
Part of me is grateful for the little capsule that keeps me sane.
I don't know how to feel. At least not without Mother's Little Helper.
What do you think, Drunkards?
I really want to know.