Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Fair Day, 2016

Yesterday was Fair Day.

I told you guys that Drummer Boy and Precocious Daughter and I would be attending the State Fair of Texas together this year. And yesterday was the day.

For those of you who don't live in or come from Texas: Just about every school child in the Dallas Metroplex gets a day off during the Fair, specifically to go to the Fair. Every child gets a free ticket.

That's how Texas rolls.

You should see this before you die, seriously.

Of course, PDaughter left hers at home and we ended up buying her a full-price ticket (despite my suggestion that she should remain in the car for six hours while Drummer Boy and I went in, to teach her a lesson about responsibility). But still.

I had never been to the Fair on School Day. When I was married, my ex and I actually used to pull PDaughter out of school on a Tuesday during the Fair's run, when admission was $2 with an empty can of Dr Pepper (again, this is Texas), and all the rides were discounted. But now that she's in high school, with a greater courseload and, of course, marching band, that's not really possible. So School Day it was.

Holy crap, was it crowded.

You don't understand how crowded.

Sort of. But more.
Here's the thing: I don't like crowds. They freak me out. But they freak out PDaughter even more, and so it fell to me to be the strong, unruffled adult as we made our way through, like, 12 billion people. Yes, more than the population of the Earth. That's how popular the State Fair of Texas is.

It was a crowd of old and young, black and white and brown, muscle shirts and hijabs, able-bodied and wheelchair-bound, families and couples and packs of rowdy teens. And with one exception, every single person we encountered was polite and cheerful and respectful. That exception was a loudmouth, rude, aggressive middle-aged white guy, who wasn't wearing a "Make America Great Again" gimme cap but might as well have been.

There's almost no chance that guy will read this, but just in case: You are damn lucky you stopped talking smack to me when you did, because my boyfriend was about to break you into pieces.

I should totally not be proud of that. But I kind of am.

So. One of my favorite attractions at the Fair is the World's Largest Traveling Reptile Show. It's so cheesy. PDaughter and I have gone in for several years. My ex never wanted to go with us, but Drummer Boy was totally game.

Alive Reptiles, you guys!
This year they had a "Siamese Spitting Cobra," which Google tells me is actually properly known as an Indo-Chinese Spitting Cobra. This is a beautiful black-and-white speckled serpent. The specimen in the Reptile Show was particularly active: slithering, rearing up, flicking its fork-ed tongue. And then, as we watched through the glass, it turned to look us straight in the eye, and it hooded at us.

Holy shit. Beautiful but deadly af.

It was. So. Cool. And terrifying.

We also ate Fletcher's corny dogs. Which is required by state law. No shit.

And we saw the famous Budweiser Clydesdales. They are beautiful, you guys.

They also tend to attract loud, rude Trump supporters, unfortunately.
Not their fault, thought.

We did not ride the Crazy Mouse, which was the favorite ride of the Baudelaire family. PDaughter decided the line was too long, and I was legit relieved, because it would have been weird to ride it with Drummer Boy.

Yeah. The Texas State Fair with Drummer Boy and PDaughter, the two most important people in my life, was amazing. But it was hard to shake the decades of Fair memories I accumulated with my ex and with my little Baudelaire family after PDaughter joined us.

It was sweet. It was difficult. It was joyous. It was bittersweet.

I had such a good time. Despite the traffic, and the expense, and the crowds, and the weird, intrusive memories.

If you have a bucket list, attending the State Fair of Texas should be on it.


I may be biased, having attended it with the two most important people in my life.

I had an awesome day.

The rest will be in the book. I promise


  1. How could anyone turn down an opportunity to see the World's Largest Traveling Reptile Show? Especially when it has cobras. As a kid watching the cartoon of Rikki Tikki Tavi I always wanted the snakes to win.
    Anyway the Texas State Fair has to be on my bucket list and has the advantage of being one of the more achievable things on it.

  2. Aw. Those are the days worth pushing it for. Even if they don't happen that often.
    Blessings upon thee.
    I have no explanation for this ending.

  3. I love the fair. This year we are going to the Celtic Festival instead, which is the fair with kilts. Yay!


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