Monday, September 7, 2015

Useless and Pointless Knowledge

In a few weeks, Drunkards, I'll be divorced.

Yeah, didn't see that coming.
And I'll have sold my house, and I'll be a single mom living in an apartment with my Precocious Daughter.

Not exactly the happily ever after I envisioned 25 years ago.

Protip: Not actually a thing.
That's just how it goes.

Also, there is no Prince Charming who will save you from loneliness. There may be someone in your life who says he is different from what you've known before, but remember: Different is only different, not better.

Also, the Magic ATM doesn't exist. Sugar daddies melt in the rain, and all the bills, expenses, outlays, and costs of being single fall on you, and you alone.

Also also, if you want to be happy, you should work on being happy. No one else can flip a switch and make that happen. Happiness is a thing that exists only for one person at a time. Trust me on that.

Oh, and you should get some kind of battery-driven device to make you feel good. It will be your best bet when you want to feel satisfied.

And make sure to have a mantra or saying to fall back on when things seem hopeless. Everyone should be able to feel hope that things will get better. But placing that hope with another person is a recipe for disaster. Rely on meaningless words instead.

Finally, remember this; Love is wonderful in theory, but when shit gets real, you'd better have stronger weapons in your arsenal.

Don't even get me started on falling in love with a musician.

That's all for tonight. Be strong and take care, Drunkards.


  1. You've got this. Focus on you and your daughter, and the rest will fall into place.


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