|Not like a Joe Biden laugh. Not ready for that yet.|
That's graduate-level happy-feels right there.
And...I did it. I'm sitting in an empty room, and I'm smiling to myself. Maybe I've finally gone crazy.
Feels good, though.
Now for something completely different: I'd like to laugh a bit today. I don't know what kind of reaction that might elicit from my co-workers. Under normal circumstances I laugh quite a bit at work (when I'm not dropping f-bombs). But I've been subdued lately. Mostly they understand the things I'm going through right now, although I've done my best to conceal the fact that I've actually reached rock bottom emotionally.
|Because I am a PROFESSIONAL.|
There's no reason I should want to laugh. Nothing has really changed since the last time I burst into tears, aka yesterday. All that boring bad stuff I wrote about the other day? Still in play: still in limbo, still broke, still married, still lonely. Still paying rent on an apartment I don't actually live in. In which I don't actually live. Whatever.
Maybe I've reached that enlightened place where all problems are transcended. Where I'm able to let go of the darkness and reach for the light. Where my primal need for joy defeats my sadness.
Maybe I've reached...the Fuck It Zone.
You know the scene at the end of It's a Wonderful Life, when George Bailey realizes he wants to live despite all his troubles and goes running through town like a maniac? At one point he shouts, "I'm going to jail! Isn't it wonderful?"
George was in the Fuck It Zone.
And I'm right there with him.
Now, if everyone would please come to my house with hatfuls of money and sing "Auld Lang Syne," that would be really cool.
But even lacking that...fuck it, I want to laugh.
Even if I can't do it quite yet, just wanting to is a big step up.
What makes you guys laugh? I may need to prime the pump a bit.