|You'll get used to my ambivalent attitude toward Internet fame eventually.|
I want you all to enjoy reading my humble words as much as I enjoy writing them. Which is approximately a shit ton, give or take a bunch. And I don't want anybody to get offended, or affronted, or bent out of shape by anything you may read here. Not that I care if you do, per se, but I'd like to avoid having to kiss your hurt butt if I can.
Therefore, I present:
Chuck Baudelaire's House Rules for This Here Blog
- I write about whatever I feel like writing about. Sometimes it's monkeys, sometimes it's my unraveling marriage, sometimes it's crazy-ass right-wing nutjobs. Oooh, sometimes it's completely random crap that tickled me at a particular moment. I hope my scribblings amuse you, but if they don't, it's best you leave.
- I don't like to be pigeonholed. Typically, liberals think I'm too conservative, and conservatives think I'm too liberal. I don't support Hillary Clinton, I don't like guns, I believe government at every level is probably too big and convoluted, and I think any attempt to legislate a woman's reproductive choices is repulsive.
- Although I believe in God, I don't identify as Christian. I am friends with many devout Christians. As long as they don't talk smack about gay people or abortion, I respect them completely.
- I like vodka. A lot. I'm pretty sure that once I'm divorced I will cut back my alcohol consumption by 90% of more. In the meantime, I'm guessing you'll be able to identify what I wrote while drunk.
- Benedict Cumberbatch makes me happy. Because he's handsome and talented and a good person, and because his name is Benedict Cumberbatch and he owns that shit.
- Sometimes I curse. I won't stop.
- I'm 47 years old. If you think I'm an old lady with nothing relevant to say...fuck you.
There are probably more rules. But you get the gist. Also, I welcome your comments. Please comment on this or any other post. Really. I love engagement. Just remember it goes both ways.
I love you already.