|Nope, but you're close.|
This happened in Dallas this week. Dude with a gun stole a car from a gas station and proceeded to lead the police on a chase. A local news helicopter picked it up so that we have footage of all the best bits.
Eventually the thief slammed into the back of a car. And then...
Really, you have to watch.
(Link in case you can't see the video)
In sum: Mama Bear and her boyfriend took his ass out.
Turns out this happened in a school zone, and Mama Bear's 13-year-old son was in the car. Heartbreakingly, Mama Bear lost a four-year-old son just last August. And so her immediate reaction to some random asshole rear-ending her with precious cargo on board was to charge and defend.
And as I watched this video, I was all but standing up and cheering. Because my reaction would have been exactly the same.
Precocious Daughter sometimes accuses me of being, shall we say, an aggressive driver. By which she means I occasionally air out my middle finger if I feel the need. Damn right. Hey, the 72 square feet of road I occupy when I'm driving Benedict Cumberhatch are mine. To other drivers I say, don't encroach on my space, mofos. And don't drive like an idiot. I'm happy to share the road with safe, attentive drivers. The rest of you assholes, not so much.
And if some reckless idiot were to smash into me when I had my baby girl in the car (I know, she's 15 and about to learn to drive herself shut up she's an infant), my first instinct would be to kick the living shit out of him.
|Come at me, bro. I'm full of mom hormones.|
You may remember that my beloved Beetle was totaled last year by a teenage dick with a phone in his hand. The only reason I didn't bust him in the chops was that it was such a ridiculously slow-speed crash that the extent of the damage didn't become evident until the Bug was thoroughly inspected. I've hit the wall of my garage at higher speeds.
But if what happened to Mama Bear had happened to me, the police would have been arresting each of his teeth individually when they showed up. Because no one puts my kid in harm's way.
By the way, this story has an incredibly happy ending. A local dealership presented Mama Bear with a brand-new car for her trouble. And her son is fine (another driver who was hit was taken to the hospital but is also OK). And the car thief even publicly apologized for hitting her car...you know, from jail, where his ass should be sitting for a while.
And they all lived happily ever after.