No, really, I was. I mean, OK, Groupon and I have had our problems. But no hard feelings. Even though they never have what I really want.
|Is this too much to ask? I'll pay for a collar and leash.|
And whatever the Basset hound needs, too.
Check out just a few of what I assume they are, based on these actual photos from the Dallas Groupon page:
|Squid eyeballs, assorted sizes, on display stands. 57% off retail.|
|Giant tire moving service. 32% off retail.|
|Custom-made clothing for your sex doll. Over 100 sold.|
|A night of bowling with the Invisible Man. 41% off retail.|
|A punch dead square in the face. 34% off.|
|Specialty massage to remove large, throbbing forehead veins. Top rated deal.|
|A sternly delivered warning from a thug with a switchblade. 24% off.|
|Pair of 30-year-old used roller skates, with socks. Almost gone!|
|Treatment for one enormous foot. 71% off.|
|Cleavage-watching party. Quantities limited.|
|Eye replacement (left only). 17% off retail.|
|Pre-used puppy training pads. Make great gifts.|
|Fulfillment of one oddly specific fetish. 69% off.|
|Straight-up murder of a foe, nemesis, or rival. Click here.|
Remember, these are limited-time offers, so don't delay. And if you're looking for the perfect gift for the blogger in your life, let's just say I know a couple of people who could use a sternly delivered warning.