Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Please Finish This Poem

Tonight was weekly guinea pig cage cleaning night. It's how Precocious Daughter and I bond. And how I get a two-hour allergy attack from breathing in the dust from the wood shavings we use as bedding.

And here are some guinea pigs in hats,
because look at them.
Anyway, much as slaves picking cotton on the plantation, I often make up songs during the cleaning process, to help pass the time and remind me that there are better things beyond peeling urine-soaked newspapers off the bottom of a guinea pig cage. Also, I totally enjoy making PDaughter roll her eyes by reciting made-up nonsense. I have a system of points and everything: five points for the bottom-to-top roll, 10 points for the 360-degree rotation, and 25 points for multiple eyeball revolutions. I'm really good at this.

Bonus points for a sigh and/or
eyeballs getting stuck in the
upwards position.
Here's what I came up with tonight. It earned a pretty good score, daughter-reaction wise, but lost technical points for being one line short of a quatrain.

Hello there, my darling little guinea pig
I love you more than a Lego mini-fig
I think you would look quite pretty in a wig

And that's as far as I got. I need to finish this verse, Drunkards. I can't just leave it hanging there. It cries out for completion. It needs to be 360-degree-eye-roll-worthy.

Help me out. Post a fourth and final line in the comments or on my Facebook page or Twitter feed. The final words need to rhyme with "guinea pig," and the meter should follow that of the other lines (it should scan the same way as "R2-D2 never liked C3PO"). If it has a twist ending or cliffhanger, that would also be cool.


Or, you know, make up anything you want. I like reader contributions. You guys are awesome.

In fact, here's a picture of a guinea pig dressed as a Triceratops, just because I love you. And to inspire you.

You're welcome.


  1. "Don't get run over by a trucker's rig."

    "Your eyes make your nose look big."

    "I'll fly you to Russia in a MiG."

    "You'll be clapped in irons in the brig."

  2. Dancing a sweet guinea Irish jig

  3. Hello there, my darling little guinea pig
    I love you more than a Lego mini-fig
    I think you would look quite pretty in a wig
    And happy to not be in a novel by Larsson, Stieg.

    Not as good as the previous entries, and you can tell that, in spite of having been an English major with a heavy emphasis on poetry, I suck at meter. But I wanted to go for the complete antithesis of guinea pigs, even though Stieg Larsson does look kind of like one.

    1. You made me Google him...and you're right. I need to read those books one of these days. Yes, you failed the meter. Nailing the meter is about all I have going for me. :)


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.