We're Growing Peppers, Bitches

I'm not sure how it happened, but here we are, only like six days into 2020, and it's about to be the first day of Spring.

Among the things about me that are not improving with age,
my temporal sensibilities rank highly.

I don't understand how I can sometimes lie in bed unable to get to sleep for approximately 22 hours a night, yet we've managed to get to the middle of March with barely a blip on my radar. Perhaps there's something wrong with my brain, which frankly is a reasonable explanation for a great many things about me.

Anyway, regardless of my flawed perception of the passage of time, Spring is indeed just around the corner. And that means it's time to grow shit in a pot.

The opposite may not be as good an idea.

You may recall that a few years back I successfully grew beans on my apartment balcony. Oh, how happy I was to grow those beans.

They were so beautiful.
And honestly, "Here We Are Now, Blanch and Drain Us"
is one of my favorite post titles ever.

But it's been a couple of years since I've attempted any small-scale gardening. Like other things in my life - OK, many other things - OK, way too many other things - I put it on hold while I devoted myself to other pursuits. Like drinking too much, feeling sorry for myself, and surrendering to the inertia that eventually hastens death.

I'm kidding. Kidding! Mostly.

The part of me that has allowed me to distance myself from fully enjoying life...well, that part sucks. And has exerted too much control over me for too long. So I've decided it's time to get back to the soil. Or at least the quantity of soil that will fit on my 25 square feet of outdoor space.

In 2020, we're growing peppers, baby!

We're growing these motherfuckers right here.

Here we have your Anaheim peppers, your Hungarian Wax peppers, your red cayenne, your jalapenos, and your ancho peppers. The good people at Burpee call this the Hot Salsa Blend. I'll tell you what: I don't even like salsa. But we're growing peppers! Look how cute they are! Think of how amusing it will be if some unsuspecting pigeon decides it wants to peck at the fruits of my labor!

I'm thinking these spicy boys should be reasonably easy to grow. And I'm sure I can find good uses for them in soups and dips and martinis (why not?) And I just want something fun to do, and to write about. Because the part of me that misses writing regularly really wants to kick the other part's ass. Figuratively. The various components of my personality don't actually have physical body parts.

As an aside, if you're looking for a whimsical image to illustrate how the parts of your personality might look if they all had their own bodies, do NOT Google "multiple buttocks."

Just don't.

So get ready for pepper posts. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll wonder how many photos a person can take of a goddamn pot of pepper plants, anyway.

We're gonna find out.