Sunday, June 18, 2017

Scene from a Mall

Precocious Daughter and I went shopping today.

Here we are. Really.
We drove to our local regional outlet mega-mall. The last time we were there, we were shopping for PDaughter's junior prom dress, which was a stress-filled nightmare.

But it all turned out fine. And hell yes,
I had this lunchbox in grade school.
Today, though, we were just looking for cute summer tops. I found three, she found four, and we spent seventy-five bucks for the lot. Outlet mall for the win.

Having successfully bagged our limit, we walked to the food court and bought a couple of slices from Sbarro. Pizza: Literally nature's perfect food.

Kale can go fuck itself, tbh.
So the food court was hopping. Most of the tables were occupied. We found a couple of spaces at a long table between two families. 

All we wanted to do was eat pizza, you guys.

But on one side of us was a family consisting of mom, dad, and two boys under the age of six. The younger boy was crying, apparently because he wanted to get a sample from one of the food vendors but was unable to do so.

His dad's reaction was (direct quotes here, you guys):

"Grow up."

"Be quiet."

"I've had enough of you."

"No Legoland for you."

"I'm tired of your shit."

Dad O' the Year eventually left the table, saying "I've got things to do" while plastering his phone to his ear.

On the other side was a large Asian-American family, who were mostly enjoying their food court fare. At one point, a young woman holding a fussy baby came by, and when her presumed husband said, "We should have brought in the car seat," she answered, "Well that's a fucking brilliant idea."

In a really loud voice, I might add.

PDaughter and I were like

Sure, yeah.
I was so basically glad to have had only one child.

PDaughter was glad to be only one child.

We've discussed this many times before.

I never meant to have only one kid. But that is how life turned out.

PDaughter for her her part enjoys being an only child and would have protested any other way of being. matter my intention, I have one love, and but one love, of my life.

I also have three really cute new tops.

Sometimes life lessons are hard, but sometimes they kick ass.

Happy Fathers Day to all my Dad Drunkards. You rock.

And all of my non-Dad Drunkards... you rock, too. Whether you have a day or not. You rock.

Let's kick ass this coming week, OK? I'll be doing it in new tops. But you do you.


  1. It took most of my lifetime to learn that you can pick your friends and you can pick your family* because anyone who isn't your friend doesn't deserve to be considered family.

    *You still can't pick your friend's nose, but a guitar player needs a pick.


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