Monday, March 28, 2016

If That Thing Fits

I bought three pairs of really cute shoes recently, and I haven't worn any of them.

Not these, but how freaking adorable are they?

I don't think I deserve to wear the shoes I bought.

How goddamn pathetic is that?

I ordered all three pairs online, and each time I thought, "I can't wait to wear those." But when they arrived, and I unboxed them and beheld them in all their totally-living-up-to-expectations-of-greatness-ness, I had but one thought:

"I can't wait until I feel good enough to wear those."

That of course begs the question: Why do I not feel good enough to wear cute shoes?

Bitches, allow me to present this episode of "Dinosaur Comics" to explain
how I'm using the phrase "begging the question" correctly. Bitches.

I don't feel I deserve to wear insanely cute shoes.

I don't know exactly why I feel this way. After all, I'm not just Working Mom, I'm Single Mom, Dating Mom, and Trying Not to Be a Complete Fucking Disgrace to Her Daughter Mom.

That should count for something, right?

Am I Wonder Woman? Oh, shut up.

Here's what I am: a newly single mom who has enough nerve to order super-cute shoes from the Internet when she's feeling alone and saucy. But maybe not so brave as to actually wear said super-cute shoes when they arrive. And maybe just keeps wearing her increasingly sad and worn mall-bought shoes because they are safe and sensible.

So even though my closet contains:

Black-and-white polka-dot pumps with kitten faces on them...


Off-white patent peep-toe shoes adorned with peacock-feather designs...


Pink suede lace-up pumps made for swing dancing...

don't expect to me see me rocking them any time soon.

Not until I convince myself I deserve them.

Do I deserve them?

Your feedback is totally welcome.

And if I decide to wear any of my adorable shoes, I'll post pictures of my gnarly feet wearing amazing shoes. I promise.



  1. Wear them and find out what happens when you do. My prediction is, they will send you singing down the yellow brick road all the way to the Emerald City.

  2. I might have to go and seek out those playground shoes.

    I deserve THOSE.

  3. I don't have space here to list all the reasons why you deserve to wear those shoes. And while it's tempting to include "posts hilarious and educational dinosaur comics" in the list of reasons that actually falls well below the following:
    -You're a single mom
    -You're a hard working mom
    -You're a dating mom
    -You've raised a pretty amazing daughter
    -You've dealt with some pretty heavy blows with great aplomb
    -You know "aplomb" rhymes with "mom"

    And if I may appeal to your practical side consider what a waste it would be to buy shoes you never wear.

  4. Your "cute" shoes sound horrible to me, but then I'm just a male whose idea of good footwear is sneakers and motorcycle boots.

  5. Put the damn shoes on already. We ALWAYS deserve to wear cute shoes. Always.

  6. Be like Dorothy. Wear the shoes, click your heels, and use the power you've always had.


  7. Wear the shoes. If you feel crappy that day, looking down at kitten faces on your shoes will totally cheer you up!


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