Sunday, February 21, 2016

Well, I'm Convinced

Drunkard ChrisS wants to know why, in my post about the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, I didn't mention the most important part of the story.

You know, the part where Obama sent his death squad to Texas to have Justice Scalia murdered.

Or simply used HIS MIND.

Oh, that.

You see, I'm a blogger. I have integrity. I have standards. I'm not simply going to repeat conspiracy theories about Presidential hitmen without being sure I can make that shit funny.

Fortunately for you (and for me, because I'm not actually very good at this), the nuttiness coming out of the right wing is funny all on its own. I can pretty much step back and quote the crazies verbatim and we'll all have a good laugh.

"They say they found a pillow on his face, which is a pretty unusual place to find a pillow." - Donald J. Trump, noted forensic scientist and yuuuge "Quincy, M.E." fan

"My gut tells me there is something fishy going on in Texas." - William O. Ritchie, former Washington, D.C. homicide commander, amateur ichthyologist

"The question is, was Anthony [sic] Scalia murdered? The answer is, was the Bill of Rights and the Constitution murdered?" - Alex Jones, fuzzy on the concept of rhetorical questions

"It would be highly irresponsible of me to sit here and accuse the President of the United States of murdering a Supreme Court justice. It's...just little too coincidental." - Radio host Andrew Wilkow, walking the libel tightrope like a boss

"The 13th [of February] was the 44th day of 2016. Obama is the 44th President of the United States, so you have this numerology thing taking place." - Pastor Rick Wiles, who can count to 44 all by himself

"Dismiss assurances from incompetents in Texas that Scalia died of natural causes, and dismiss the press repeating these assurances—which add up to: nothing." Jon Rappoport, blogger, knower of things, aficionado of non-standard punctuation

"Autopsy was blocked and the body was embalmed to prevent future attempts at autopsy. This is smoking gun status tampering with evidence and direct evidence of foul play." YouTuber NatureHacker, Rhodes scholar (honorary)

So there you have it. It's been more than a week now, and Justice Antonin Scalia is still dead. If that's not proof he was murdered by para-CIA assassins, I don't know what is.

Four out of five UFO aliens agree.
If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go to bed, possibly with a pillow over my head. If I don't wake up tomorrow, Kanye did it.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.