Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Make It So, Mr. Data

First of all: You guys are so nice.

The comments you leave on my posts and my Facebook page make me smile. And please know that because only, like, 12 people read this blog, every single click and like and comment means a million times more to me than blogs that get a million times more traffic.

So thanks.

On to today's blather.

I did warn you that this week would be all about the house and the move. I wasn't lying.

This afternoon I worked at home because the contractor came out to fix our foundation. Which is funny, because if our foundation weren't jacked up, they wouldn't have to come out to jack it up.

That's North Texas clay soil humor. Thank you to those nodding your head in perfect understanding.

J.R. knows. J.R. gets me.
Praise the Lord and pass the cyanide capsule, this should be the last contractor that comes out before we close on the house next week. Otherwise...well, my new, unlived-in apartment is on the fourth floor and has a balcony ripe for swan-diving.

Let's just assume it won't come to that.
Anyway, for the last week I've been working on data management for a big project at work. Specifically, I've been downloading hundreds of files and sorting them into dozens of subfolders in a bunch of folders located on a server halfway across the country.

It's been a long, slow, tedious process. And I was a little trepidatious (which I'm declaring totally a word, despite spellcheck and my online dictionary calling bullshit on it, because I'm not a woman to be trifled with, dammit) about continuing the process at home, because it meant accessing the remote server even more remotely, via my home network. I did not have high hopes for my productivity. And I wasn't too excited by the prospect of spending a lovely afternoon at home yelling at my stupid computer, either.

So imagine my surprise when I got on my wifi, accessed the remote server, and proceeded to fucking blaze through files like a cyber-knife through cyber-butter, if you get my cyber-drift.

I was taken aback by the efficacy of my connectivity,
as it were.
In four hours I was able to get done what most likely would have taken two full workdays to accomplish at the office. Granted, my kitchen wasn't populated with twentysomethings who apparently can't think unless they have an earbud jammed in their head and are eating bandwidth via Pandora. But still, I was impressed by what my little home wifi connection was able to handle.

I mention this mostly because, due to getting so much shit done, I was also able to arrange internet and TV service at the new apartment this afternoon. I got a good deal and a free equipment upgrade, so at the new place, I'll have internet that's twice as fast as what I experienced today.

With that kind of speed, I will literally be able to digitize myself and live in the goddamn cloud.

That's right. Just like this.
OK, maybe not literally. But I'm definitely going to have a great big bucket of data sitting in my living room, ladling out squirrel gifs and "Conan" sketches as if they were free soup at a homeless shelter.

Possibly an insensitive simile. I apologize to the homeless and squirrels.
I like the internet, basically.

Next up: Ordering checks with my new address on them. Checks, LOL.

I'm just old school that way.


  1. Big things are good things! Glad you're hanging in there :)

  2. I'm glad you've gotten some good news, and here's some slightly less good but still good news: trepidatious is a word. At least according to the Oxford English Dictionary which cites uses dating as far back as 1904. It's just fallen out of use, but you've brought it back.

    Linguists sing of your greatness.

  3. Well, there ya go. Things will work out. And if you ever plan on the swan dive, call me first.

  4. Well goddammit, more people need to read this blog then Chuck. The world needs more funny, and it's right here. I'm going to start linking to your posts on my site. That should get you another ... at minimum ... one reader.

    My latest post references and links to this one. Be prepared for a flood of traffic ... that's all I'm sayin'.

    I love your blog!

  5. Gotta laugh at the reference to checks. I was at the office lamenting that they don't teach kids cursive anymore (get off my lawn!) and someone (younger) asked "why do you need to write in cursive?". I said, "You at least need to be able to write checks". And everyone laughed. Get. Off. My. Damn. Lawn.


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