Friday, May 8, 2015

Pretzels, Candles, and Other Things I Fail to Understand

Today's good advice:

If you have a mason jar candle, or any candle in a deep narrow holder, you can light a piece of spaghetti to reach the wick once the candle has burned down too far for a match or lighter to reach.

Like this. Thanks, Internet.
On the other hand, don't use a pretzel stick.

These. No.

For some reason, I tried a pretzel stick first this evening. They don't ignite, as a piece of spaghetti does. They just turn black and make the kitchen smell like very, very burnt bread.

Use your imagination. Gross, right?
So my delightful coconut-scented candle is burning right now thanks to spaghetti. But my fingers smell like singed bread crust because of the pretzel experiment. I could wash my hands and get rid of the burnt-pretzel smell, but at this point I believe I'm doing penance.

Penance for...I don't know, not knowing enough life hacks and also being a terrible wife and substandard person.

Tomorrow morning I'll shower, and that will wash away the burnt-pretzel smell from my fingers. But will it make me worthy of the spaghetti-candle-lighting trick?

I don't know.

The thing no one ever tells you about life hacks is that they're like puppies: It takes time and effort to find one of which you are worthy.

Good luck finding yours, Drunkards.

I hope it smells better than burnt pretzel sticks.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.