Pretzels, Candles, and Other Things I Fail to Understand

Today's good advice:

If you have a mason jar candle, or any candle in a deep narrow holder, you can light a piece of spaghetti to reach the wick once the candle has burned down too far for a match or lighter to reach.

Like this. Thanks, Internet.

On the other hand, don't use a pretzel stick.

These. No.

For some reason, I tried a pretzel stick first this evening. They don't ignite, as a piece of spaghetti does. They just turn black and make the kitchen smell like very, very burnt bread.

Use your imagination. Gross, right?

So my delightful coconut-scented candle is burning right now thanks to spaghetti. But my fingers smell like singed bread crust because of the pretzel experiment. I could wash my hands and get rid of the burnt-pretzel smell, but at this point I believe I'm doing penance.

Penance for...I don't know, not knowing enough life hacks and also being a terrible wife and substandard person.

Tomorrow morning I'll shower, and that will wash away the burnt-pretzel smell from my fingers. But will it make me worthy of the spaghetti-candle-lighting trick?

I don't know.

The thing no one ever tells you about life hacks is that they're like puppies: It takes time and effort to find one of which you are worthy.

Good luck finding yours, Drunkards.

I hope it smells better than burnt pretzel sticks.