Sunday, April 19, 2015


Today was my 25th wedding anniversary.

That would be the silver anniversary.
It wasn't horrible.

For many years, my spouse and I have had to share the date of our wedding with several tragic events. First there was the siege on the Branch Davidian compound in Waco, Texas, which ended on this day in 1993 with the deaths of cult leader David Koresh and 73 of his followers in a fire following an assault by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms. Then in 1995, Timothy McVeigh and Terry Nichols bombed the Alrred Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, killing 168 adults and children and causing $650 million in damange, And then in 1999, on the day after our anniversary (and just a few weeks after learning we were expecting our Precocious Daughter), two students murdered 13 people and injured 21 others at their high school in Columbine, Colorado.

Then we stopped watching the news around our anniversary.
Some people might say that April 19 is simply a snakebit date. For many years, my spouse and I chose to believe that our successful marriage was a bright spot on an otherwise blighted area of the calendar.

Until of course it wasn't.

Still, it wasn't a horrible day. We didn't even acknowledge that it was our anniversary until the end of the day, when he was about to go out for the evening. We hugged, and had a little peck, and smiled at each other. Because we can still do that.

Sunday is a day when we still try to have family time when we can. Maybe the three of us go out to lunch, or play a board game, or watch a movie. I don't know how important it is to my spouse or to PDaughter, but it's important to me.

It's very possible that once we're divorced, he won't want to have anything to do with me. I base this on the times he's said to me, "After we're divorced, I won't want to have anything to do with you."

Sometimes you have to take things literally.
So today we went to lunch as a family. We went to the comic book store together. He gave Darling Dog a bath while I took out the recycling and loaded the dishwasher. It was low-key and low-stress.

When we finally acknowledged the significance of the day, it was more sweet than bitter.

The bitter is coming.

Because once you've made it to 25 years of marriage, ending it isn't easy.

But there is sweet on the other side.

This has been our last wedding anniversary.

It wasn't horrible.


  1. Keep staying strong, dove...


  2. This sounds callous, but thinking about those other evtns you mentioned, things could be worse. There are things that haunt people for the rest of their lives... Divorces, well, people plunge onward.

    I'm sorry this is happening to you, though.

    Your posts always give me a lot to think about (about which to think?).

  3. You might find that once the marriage is over, you can consider being friends and it'll come easier when there's no legal bond. However, it may take years for that.

  4. I do know couples who were able to be friends with each other after the divorce. My parents separated when I was 21, but stayed married and friendly till the end of his life (25 more years). They were just not good at living together.....


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