Wednesday, August 13, 2014


Tonight was Precocious Daughter's freshman orientation at her new high school.

The cheerleaders cheered. The drumline drummed. The assistant principals assisted. There was PowerPoint. There were handouts.

My takeaway?

High school is fucking terrifying.

In so many ways.
Seriously, the entire program was one big flashback. And not a good one. I sat in the school auditorium, listening to teachers and administrators and upperclassmen talk about school spirit and whatnot. It brought back a flood of memories.

Lighting the goddamn corners of my mind.
I didn't say they were good memories. Let me make that clear: It brought back four years of terrifying, terrible memories.

And as I sat there, listening to these dedicated professional educators promising to advise and nurture my precious child through the next four years, one thought echoed through my mind:

I fucking hated high school.

There were zero Ramones at my school.
My high school years were lonely, awkward, dorky, angry, scary, boring, embarrassing, and stupid. If it weren't for Bestest Friend, I probably - literally - would not have survived them.

Thank you, Bestest Friend. I still owe you for that.

I carry it around with me to this day.
To be clear, let me state that PDaughter's high school years are bound to be waaaay better than mine were. First of all, she's coming off a great middle school experience, which is something I totally didn't have. Second of all, she's an amazing person, and I'm...well, you read this blog, you know.

...said nobody in the '80s when I went to high school.
Anyway, I was traumatized by high school freshman orientation. PDaughter seemed to be OK with it. And that's all that matters.

I can live this vicariously through her, right?

P.S. Attention, PTSA: Didn't join in elementary school, didn't join in middle school, not joining in high school. Sorry, not sorry.


  1. I actually enjoyed Middle School and High School. College? Well, I was fine in the classroom, but socially, it was a disaster. So. There's that.

  2. I wonder - from reading books and watching Hollycrap, both of which have as much credibility with me as Killary Klingon - what American high school is really like. Nothing like school here, I'll bet.

    Personally, I was in the same school (including the attached college section) from ages five through nineteen. None of those fourteen years gave me any pleasure at all either.


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