Dick of the Border

Hey, guess what Texas Governor Dick Perry is doing now!

Besides practicing his fascist salute.

He's deploying 1,000 National Guard troops to the Mexican border to shoot and terrorize children!

We'll show those tortilla-munching little shits
how America  Texas a crazy person rolls.

You've heard about the "border crisis" situation: Thousands of people, including many children, have fled their violence-plagued Central American countries to seek refuge in America. The surge in border crossings underscores the desperation of people to escape - or have their children escape - the oppressive influence of the drug cartels, the crushing poverty, and the lack of opportunity in their own homelands.

Oh, wait, I've just been handed a talking points memo by Gov. Perry.

You must be healed of your filthy hippie liberal demons.
Begone!

OK, this says the surge in border crossings actually underscores the complete failure of the Obama administration to do anything about anything, ever, because he nasty. Also, Benghazi.

Two of my body parts are this tiny.
One of them is my brain.

Thank you, Governor. You're fabulous, as always. And I don't mean that in a gay way.

Because I have great respect for the gay community.

You know what it costs to deploy 1,000 National Guardsmen to the Texas-Mexico border?

Twelve million dollars. Per month.

And for that $12 million, we get a thousand men and women with guns and boots (because you can't have "boots on the ground" without boots, and also why is the Governor of Texas using battlefield terminology to describe actions toward children, for corn's sake?) who cannot detain, arrest, or process anybody.  So basically, the state that spends less than almost every other state on educating children and providing health care for children is putting its money in armed soldiers to stand around and intimidate children with guns.

I would grumble here about how my tax dollars are spent. But of course this is Texas, and we don't pay any state tax, which is why our governor feels free to pull ridiculous, costly stunts like this in response to the businesses and special interests who are his only true constituents.

But I digress.

I don't have solutions to the problems of illegal immigration, third-world poverty, bigotry, or dirty politics. I feel frustrated and powerless, like any thinking, feeling person in the face of injustice, regardless of ideology.

Also, I really, really enjoy making fun of Dick Perry, because he's a complete toolpepper.

And truly, he makes it easy.

I'm looking forward to Gov. Perry making another running leap at the White House in 2016. It will give me a solid year's worth of blog posts, which is great because I'm kind of lazy at thinking up my own ideas.

And I can't wait to remind everyone how the Governor showed us in 2014 that his preferred method for dealing with children in crisis is to point a gun at them.

Orale!