My Thoughts on Open Carry Texas

Those of you who don't live in the Lone Star State may have a lot of questions about the gun-loving activist group that calls itself Open Carry Texas.

If you don't, What the fuck? is a good one to start with.

Does this yahoo think he's protecting his little girl
by aiming the barrel of a rifle at her feet? is another.

But let's start with this one: What do these people want?

We can answer that by quoting their own mission statement from their website, www.theapeshavearmedthemselves.com, which I've taken the liberty of annotating:

1) To educate all Texans about their right to openly carry rifles and shotguns in a safe manner.

For instance, by holding an assault rifle with your finger
on the goddamn trigger inside a restaurant.

2) To condition Texans to feel safe around law-abiding citizens that choose to carry them.

By waving them in the air like this. Also, by telling a former Marine,
 "You're going to wish you had a gun, boy,
when I fill you full of holes."

3) Encourage our elected officials to pass less restrictive open carry legislation.

Because being able to brandish a semi-automatic weapon in the kid's
section of Target without legal or psychiatric intervention
is too freaking restrictive.

(4) Foster a cooperative relationship with local law enforcement in the furtherance of these goals with an eyetowards (sic) preventing negative encounters.

Such as the non-negative encounter several OCT members had with
a Texas mom who felt threatened by their gun-toting antics.

Apparently, they also want to be the Beatles.

If the Beatles were a bunch of inbred rednecks who sang about
their hatred of black people and hygiene instead of love.

So the next question is: Why? Why are the members of Open Carry Texas like this? What drives the single-minded pursuit of their agenda in the face of public anger, fear, and common sense?

I believe the answer is simple:

They have tiny penises.

Iddle widdle diddle.

Yes, the women, too. Although I suspect their penises are actually larger than the guys' small-caliber weapons.

She's got balls.

To sum up:

The members of Open Carry Texas are violent, thuggish, intolerant, deliberately provocative, and, if not actually stupid, at least completely open to doing and saying stupid things in defense of their perceived right to act stupid.

Full disclosure: I don't like guns.

So shoot me.