Saturday, June 28, 2014

A Question

Let me ask my Drunkards this question:

Have you ever physically abused a romantic partner?

Or been physically abused by a romantic partner?

What led up to it, and what happened afterward?

I want to know, because I think it's a lot more common that any of us are led to think.

And if your answer is "No, absolutely no," let me ask you this: Have you ever emotionally/mentally abused a romantic partner? Or been abused in such a way? I'm honestly interested.

You can email me at cbaudelaire(at) if you don't want to comment publicly. I don't want to judge, I just want the information.

I don't think we as a society know the truth.

I promise, your admissions are safe with me.

If you share them, I'll share a few of my own.



  1. I'm a jerk. Physically, no. I always let the guy know going into a relationship that if a hand is raised in anger, I will kill them. If I can't, I have brothers and very large friends who can. It's emotionally that I've been a jerk, especially when I was younger. I could not stay faithful to one person. It's not that I didn't love them or anything- lord knows I did- I just... well, I don't know, really, why I did it. Maybe it was self-validation, showing that with all the chaos in my childhood, I still could control someone instead of always being the one controlled. I can't say it was ever any of my proudest moments. Shameful, honestly.

  2. It would depend on what you'd call a romantic partner, I suppose. My first sexual experience was with a young woman who invited me home, seduced me, got into bed with me, and after rubbing herself off to several orgasms on my body said she didn't want sex. Left me feeling like a used sex toy and ruined my sexual confidence for years to come.

    I had many toxic relationships afterwards. Seemms to me that I've never had a relationship that wasn't toxic. I've been dumped on the street by a girl who stopped her car to tell me through the window that she didn't want to see me again. I've had a Catholic girlfriend who got her jollies by picking fights over everything from my refusal to have children to my choice of topics to write. I've ashtrays refrained from physical violence at all times (even when struck), but I've probably done my share of inflicting retributory emotional trauma. In recent years though I've made a conscious decision to stop myself from indulging my anger. Even my current girlfriend - almost certainly my last girlfriend too; I think this one's for life - admits I've moderated myself a lot over the years.

    I don't know if this is what you were looking for. If you want more details I'll be happy to give them as far as I can.

  3. *always

    Yes, by the way, I have used withholding sex as a means of inflicting emotional pain. That is one of the worse things I've done.

    On the other hand I've never demanded sexual exclusiveness from my partners. As long as they loved me I didn't really care if they had sex with someone else sometimes.

  4. My first physical relationship didn't involve physical abuse, but I did feel the potential for it which definitely affected my actions. There was plenty of emotional abuse in that one as well. In another relationship, I had sex withheld to punish me for withholding sex (though my "withholding" was due to side effects of medication, not any deliberate action). And there has been plenty of passive aggressive nonsense from both parties in most of my relationships.

  5. I think it's very common and I think sometimes the lines are real blurred about what is abuse...did he mean to grab me that hard? Does saying that count as mental abuse? and so yes, I've been involved in a few of those. I would venture to say that I wonder if any kind of relationship doesn't involve some level of some sort of abuse...hate to say it but I've wondered.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.