Tuesday, February 25, 2014

This Is What Happens When You Don't Participate

Just some light verse for you all tonight.

Some things are raspberries, some things are not
Don't touch that pepper, it's probably hot
Worms are for fishing unless you're a worm
Ideas and illness both start with a germ.
I'd eat more veggies if they didn't stink
I'd run a squid farm to get the free ink
Never stop dreaming, you'll die without sleep
My life's an open book - come take a Pepys.

All right, stop right there.

That's a deliberately obscure reference to noted 17th century diarist Sameul Pepys. Way to ruin a perfectly good whimsical poem, you snot-nosed poseur.

Nothing brings eyeballs to your blog like a reference
to Samuel fucking Pepys.
Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you? You had a chance to write a popular blog post with a bit of amusing doggerel. But you screwed the pooch with a goddamn reference to a British fucking Naval admiral and member of Parliament that maybe one in 50 readers has ever even heard of.

No wonder no one reads your stupid blog.



  1. I thought it was brilliant. Made me think I have been pronouncing his name wrong lol...

  2. Wait, you're referring to Samuel Pepys? Who the hell is Samuel Pepys? I thought it was a reference to Joe 'Stumpy' Pepys, original drummer for Spinal Tap, the one who died in a "bizarre gardening accident" that the police said would be better left unsolved.

    In all seriousness I always appreciate being reminded of how Samuel Pepys' name is really pronounced. For years, decades even, I mispronounced his name in my head. Fortunately I never said it out loud. Saying "Peepis" when I spoke to a chapter of the Samuel Johnson society would have been terribly embarrassing. Although my talk was on the Marquis de Sade, and maybe they wouldn't have noticed, since I used the word "penis" at least ten times.

    1. Yes, Joe "Stumpy" Pepys. You win an amplifier that goes to 11.2

  3. Well, apparently there are three of us already, so you suck at statistics. Poem is pretty good, though.


You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.