I Wrote You Guys a Poem. Bitches Love Poems.

Here's something I wrote because I was depressed and writing poetry always cheers me up so I wrote this and I feel much better. Also, it's about alcohol.

Thank you kindly. I'm here all week.

Ode to Not Being an Alcoholic

by Chuck Baudelaire

 

Some would say that I’m a drunkard,

Every night alone and hunkered

Down with glass in hand and bottle.

But to them I would say, twaddle. 

While it’s true I have been known

To drink profusely and alone,

I must protest attempts to say my

Habit’s harmful, or portray my

 

Lovely booze as an addiction,

Crutch, dependency, or affliction.

If you could stagger in my shoes

A mile or two, you’d know I choose 

To go without a drink sometimes

For days or weeks - whenever I’m

Quite saturated with the stuff,

I put it down and say, enough. 

I’m telling you without false piety

That I in fact enjoy sobriety,

At least the parts that I recall

When I’m not drinking alcohol. 

I like to say, “It’s time for bed,”

And not simply pass out instead.

And wake without the need to pray that,

Oh Lord, did I really say that? 

Then drive to work and know that I

Am not committing DUI

Because the booze my blood has in it

Still exceeds the legal limit. 

I find it somewhat contradictory,

That, although vodka tastes like victory,

Still I feel that I’m a winner

When I don’t get drunk after dinner. 

As much as I may love the bliss

Of drink, it’s something I don’t miss.

Each time I’ve quit, as I have learned,

It’s waited until I returned. 

If you find my verse distasteful,

Of the time to read it, wasteful,

It should be well and duly noted,

I was sober when I wrote it.

(c) 2013.