Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Minding Those Ps and Qs

Two quick swears for the A to Z Swear Challenge. I have no idea if I'm up to date or ahead or behind on this. I suppose I could count the number of letters remaining in the alphabet and the number of days remaining in the month, but math.

Saved you hundreds on insurance, but at what cost?
Anyway, the letter P is an easy one. Precocious Daughter and I love us some Gordon Ramsey. The man is as expert at cursing as he is at cooking. I mean, I guess. I've never actually tasted his cooking, and come to think of it, he rarely cooks on any of his 57 weekly TV shows. But shit, dude can curse.

Anyway, we watch "Hell's Kitchen" every week, because it's much more fun to watch other people cook badly than to do it ourselves. And our favorite part of the show is the elimination. When a contestant is kicked out of the competition, he or she turns over his or her little white jacket to Chef Ramsey. And then he says, "It's been a great pleasure to have you in the competition. Good luck to you."

Except this is Gordon Ramsey, so he totally doesn't say anything of the kind. Instead he looks directly into their sad, defeated faces and says:
Hahahahaha. It's funny because it's deeply hurtful. But he's right. Sometimes "piss off" is exactly the right thing to tell someone.

Many, many times, in fact.

So on to Q.  I thought this one was going to be difficult. But I found the BEST Q-word.

Aside: I'm old enough to remember when every major radio market had a Q station on the FM dial. Also, when radios had dials. Q stations played AOR (album oriented rock) - meaning, on any given day you had a good chance of hearing a song from your favorite band that wasn't one of the two tracks some record-label pinhead had decided were the "singles." Which meant that on any given day, you might hear more than the same eight goddamn songs played over and over again until your brain leaked out your ears.

I grew up with two great Q stations: WQFM in Milwaukee, and Q102 (KTXQ) in Dallas. They're both long gone now. Moment of silence, followed by a six-minute drum solo.

But I digress.

This awesome Q curse is courtesy of Urban Dictionary. And it is, and I quote:  quab.

This is quite an aesthetically pleasing word. Queerly, the definition is even better.

1) A  term used to describe the situation where you walk into your room and find your uncle and an octopus under your sheets.
2) The term used when no other swear could even grasp the complexity of the situation or event.

Where the quab has this word been all my life? The octopus thing alone has come up so many times, as I'm sure it has for all of you, and I had no words to describe it. I may have to get this word quietly tattooed on the back of my left knee - it's just that wonderful. Quick, you have to try it.

P and Q and some other random stuff. That's a quabbing good post. Piss off.

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