Friday, October 26, 2012

I'm Not Like Other Moms

I just finished making Precocious Daughter's Halloween costume. Because I think it's important to look good on Halloween, if at no other time of the year.

Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed spook.
PDaughter and all her little mutant friends decided to dress in a theme this year. The theme is "ironic Muppets." I don't know where they get this stuff. I'm pretty sure most of their moms are normal. I'm not, but the idea didn't come from me. I'm clean. This time.

Anyway, PDaughter chose Elmo for her character. Love me some Elmo. Problem is, there are three types of commercially available Elmo costumes.

There's toddler Elmo:

Which makes your child look
as if she's been swallowed by a Muppet.
There's "tween" Elmo:

I do love the hat.
And then, like every single last other costume on the face of the Earth, there's the sexy version of Elmo.

Also known as "slutty jumpsuit
with Elmo hat."
PDaughter rejected the tween Elmo costume, because she's not a girly-costume kind of girl. So that meant making our own costume. So that meant me making a costume for her.

And I'm fine with that. By making a Halloween costume, I basically get my crafty mom on for the entire year. I don't have to worry that I might get the urge to make bento-box lunches or decoupage picture frames later on. I've done my thing, I've exercised my sewing and gluing muscles, and I've proven to my kid that I do something other than sit on my butt and write this ridiculous blog all day.

Besides, since I'm unemployed at the moment, I'd look like a real bitch-kitten if I told her to grab a costume off the rack at Target like all the other kids. I do actually have the time to make her an Elmo costume. The least I can do is muster the effort.

Even if it does cut into my job-hunting time.
So I spent the last few hours putting together a hipster Elmo. PDaughter gave me only vague guidelines to follow, and then my inner Tim Gunn took over. The results are, I think, spectacular. She'll either be thrilled or horrified by what I created. I'll be pleased as punch with either reaction.

I'll find some way to post pictures without actually violating my rule against showing PDaughter's face in this space. I'll superimpose another face over hers, probably - like Heidi Klum or Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I do want her and her friends to see the costume before I show it off here. Also, I want to be able to report how she reacted to my bowtie- and tassled hat-wearing interpretation of the essential Elmo.

You heard me. Elmo's got a bowtie. Bowties are cool.

Anyway, right now my back is sore and my kitchen is adrift with bits of soft red fur. It will all be worth it to unleash my creation on an unsuspecting middle-school dance tonight.

I probably shouldn't enjoy Halloween as much as I do. Or corrupting beloved children's characters.

But it beats joining PTA.


Confidential to Drummer Boy: Happy Birthday, you.

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