You Didn't Buy That

Real Saturday-morning conversation.

First, you have to know this: I don't drink apple juice.

I have nothing against it.
It just doesn't mix well with vodka.

Beloved Spouse: You know, we've been out of apple juice for three or four days now.

Me: Really? Have all the stores been closed?

BelSp:

Followed by several minutes of the silent treatment, during which I honestly think he was fighting the urge to tell me to go to the store and buy him some damn apple juice, despite the fact that I was not wearing a) makeup and b) a bra. Neither was he, but he doesn't need those things to go out in public, and I do, and also buy your own freaking apple juice, you Neanderthal.

Pick up some lunchmeat while you're out.

Oh, and also...have I not written this post before?

Hmmm. Now that you mention it...

Be sure to tune in for the next exciting episode of The Man Who Didn't Know How to Buy Things. In which I fail to magically perceive when his last razor gets dull.