Saturday, September 1, 2012

Sick Sick Sick

You've probably heard about the great West Nile Virus outbreak of 2012.

I mean, how can something
this disgusting not be carrying
a deadly disease?
Here in Texas, we've been hit especially hard by the mosquito-born illness. There have been nearly 800 confrmed cases of West Nile-related illness and more than 30 deaths in the Lone Star State. So naturally I'm concerned about the possibility of contracting it myself.

I also worry about catching boogie fever,
which nearly permanently disfigured ABBA.
I did a little reading about West Nile virus to educate myself about the signs and symptoms of the disease. I found this helpful article, which included this extremely helpful information:

Symptoms for the mosquito-borne infection come in three categories of severity, from no symptoms at all to stupor and paralysis.

I have no symptoms at all.

 OMG I have first-stage West Nile disease!!

It also causes panic attacks.
If you'll excuse me, I have to caulk all the doors and windows shut, then take a bath in Deep Woods Off. Then I'm going to make a tiny little mosquito-shaped voodoo doll and stick it full of pins until my lack of symptoms is gone. Only when I start showing signs of illness will I be sure I'm cured. Unless it's stupor and paralysis, because that means I've made things worse instead of better. So maybe I should do nothing and hope I come down with some other disease, in which case I'll know I'm not sick, because I'm sick. And then I'll feel better.

I'll let you know when I'm worse.

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