Wednesday, August 22, 2012


Listen up. This is important.

As of September 1st, 2012, the sale of spells, potions, curses, and charms will no longer be allowed on eBay.

See what I did there?
I know what you're thinking: eBay was a crucial link between buyers and sellers in the robust parting-fools-from-their-money market. Where will people go to spend money on wishes now, other than those swirly-vortex things at the mall?

I wish someone would be dumb enough to do this.
I mean no offense to witches, shamans, voodoo priests, or anyone else who pours their heart and soul into taking people's money in exchange for pretending to do something. I do much the same thing at my job every day. If I could offer my services on eBay, and get hundreds of people to pay my salary instead of just one company, that'd be sweet.

The thing is, my boss can actually see me going through the motions of work and occasionally even producing some sort of tangible outcome. I haven't yet figured out how to convince him I've cast a productivity spell that will achieve the same result as actual labor while I hang out at the mall. So my Sorting Hat is off to those who have actually forged a business model from that.

Also, chicks for free.
Anyway, if you're in the market for a good spell, be aware that after this month, you'll have to look somewhere besides eBay. That includes this one:

...and this one...

...and this one...

...and this one...

Save your two bucks: I'll send my kid to your house for a few days.
That'll age you.
..and this one.

Will "magically" clear up your skin if you wash your face
three times a day. Really. It's magic.
So hurry and place your bids before the deadline. The sale of wishful thinking with dubious magical qualities will soon be banned from the world's largest auction site.

This, however, will still be A-OK:

Thank you, Jesus.

No comments:

Post a Comment

You're thinking it, you may as well type it. The only comments you'll regret are the ones you don't leave. Also, replies to threads make puppies grow big and strong.