Saturday, June 16, 2012

I'm About to Save You Some Money

Here's today's money-saving tip:

For the love of God, do not spend your hard-earned money watching Prometheus.

I'm pretty sure the new Adam Sandler movie - which has been decimated by critics - is a better flick than Prometheus. I'll bet the plot has fewer holes, the characterizations are more nuanced, and the expectations are sufficiently low that it can't possibly be as big a disappointment as this supposed prequel to the classic badass-aliens-bursting-out-of-folks'-chests flick Alien.

Stare at this picture of the Gorn from the original Star Trek episode
"Arena" while hitting yourself with a ball-peen hammer and laying on a
bed of cockroaches, and you will have a better experience than
paying good money to watch Prometheus.
After seeing this misbegotten piece of poorly-written crap with Beloved Spouse this afternoon, I want the following items returned to me: My money, my two hours, and the brain cells destroyed in the process of trying to make sense of the massive plot holes in this shitty, terrible movie.

Ridley Scott, you owe me restitution. Bend over and let me stick a tentacle up your hack-director ass. Film it, and you'll have a better product than what I just sat through.

If you've already seen Prometheus, I'm sorry my warning comes too late. Do as I'm doing and remember Charlize Theron's perfect butt and the clips from Lawrence of Arabia as the only watchable things in the movie. If you haven't seen it and are considering it due to its great pedigree and compelling commercials...


See Madagascar 3 instead.

If I'm going to say WTF at, it had better be
because of a zebra singing about polka dots
and afros.
 Did I mention Prometheus is a terrible, awful movie?

OK, then.

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