Friday, April 27, 2012

Please Pray for My Coccyx

Tomorrow the Baudelaire family is driving to Houston to watch Precocious Daughter compete in a state karate tournament. On the one hand, Woohoo! Way to make it to the state tournament, PDaughter! You are the Chuck Norris of sixth-graders, if Chuck Norris were a skinny girl who raises virtual dragons and watches "My Little Pony" but claims to do it ironically.

Have I mentioned how great it is that you can find a picture
of freaking anything on the Internet?

On the other hand, tomorrow we're driving to Houston.

Which, if one believes this photo from,
is infested with dinosaurs.
According to the directions I downloaded from the Google, it's a 4.5-hour drive to the tournament. And presumably a 4.5-hour drive back, if I understand how time and space work (not a given). The tournament itself will last last about eight hours. The time we'll spend actually watching PDaughter perform in her two events might total 10 minutes. If she does well and gets to participate in the medal ceremony, make it 20.

So that's seventeen consecutive hours of sitting - in a car or on bleachers - to watch maybe 20 minutes of a karate tournament.

Oh my God I love my child so much.

If PDaughter wants to demonstrate her mad karate skillz by kicking my butt when we finally get home, she's welcome to do so. I guarantee my butt won't even feel it.

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